Joseph – "Green Eyes" (2019)

Those green eyes

Are my green light

Some time ago I sent a saliva sample to the genetic testing company 23andMe, which analyzed my DNA and sent me a report chock full of interesting information about me.

One of the things I learned from 23andMe was that some people can smell a distinctive odor in their urine after they consume asparagus, while others can’t.  Whether you can or can’t smell that odor is determined by your genetics.

A 23andMe test kit

Fewer than half the people in the world can detect the chemical that is believed to cause your pee to smell funny after you chow down on asparagus.  I’m in that group – based on my DNA, 23andMe said I had an 81% chance of being able to pick up that odor, and they were correctimundo.

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My DNA reveals a lot about me that’s more interesting than whether my pee has an odd odor after I eat asparagus.

According to 23andMe, my DNA says that there is a 62% chance that I have straight hair, a 65% chance that I have few or no freckles, a 68% chance that my hair is light brown or dark blond, a 71% chance that I have very fair or moderately fair skin, and a 73% chance that I don’t have a unibrow.  

My DNA also says that there is a 66% chance I don’t have dimples, an 83% chance I don’t have a cleft chin, a 91% chance I don’t have stretch marks, and a 93% chance I have wet, sticky earwax (as opposed to dry, flaky earwax).

My DNA had it right each time – you would have gone nine-for-nine if you had wagered on the favorites.  

On the other hand, 23andMe says there is a 72% chance that I have little or no back hair.  

No one’s perfect.  

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23andMe also says that there is a 51% chance I have blue eyes, a 21% chance I have greenish blue eyes, a 17% chance I have green eyes, a 9% chance I have light hazel eyes, and almost no chance that I have dark hazel or brown eyes.  I would describe my eyes as green, but you might describe them as greenish blue or light hazel – in any event, they aren’t blue.

But as any of the ladies who know me will attest, they are stunningly attractive.

If you don’t believe me, e-mail at 2or3lines@gmail.com and we can arrange to meet some afternoon so you can see for yourself.  (Proof of vaccination required, of course!)

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There are a lot of songs about blue eyes, but I’ve only found a couple about green eyes – one by the very successful British band Coldplay, and one by a lesser-known indie trio from Oregon that calls itself Joseph:

Sisters Allison, Natalie, and Meegan

Joseph’s three members are sisters – Natalie Closner Schepman and twins Allison and Meegan Closner.  (I’ve been unable to pin down whether Allison and Meegan are identical or fraternal.  I’ve found a couple of things on the Internet that indicate they’re identical, but they don’t look very identical in most of the photos of Joseph I’ve been able to find.)

Joseph’s “Green Eyes” was released in 2019 on Good Luck, Kid, the group’s third studio album.

Click here to listen to “Green Eyes.”

Click on the link below to buy the song from Amazon: