You could have knocked me over with a feather when I learned that "Worst That Could Happen" was written by the very talented Jimmy Webb – who also penned "By the Time I Get to Phoenix," "Up, Up and Away," "Wichita Lineman," "Galveston," and the truly fabulous "MacArthur Park."
"Worst That Could Happen," which was originally recorded by the Fifth Dimension, became a big hit in 1968 for The Brooklyn Bridge. The group's lead singer, Johnny Maestro (who died of cancer in 2010), had been the lead singer of the Crests, a doo-wop group whose "16 Candles" had reached #2 on the Billboard charts almost ten years earlier.
By the way, you may have thought the title of our featured song was "The Worst That Could Happen," but BMI says it's "Worst That Could Happen."
Jimmy Webb: everyone agrees that he's one of the all-time greats
"Worst That Could Happen" is one of the several songs by Webb that were inspired by his love affair with Linda Ronstadt's cousin, Susan Ronstadt. Just like the girl in "Worst That Could Happen," Susan decided to break Webb's heart and marry some other guy.
* * * * *
Veteran songwriter and record producer Wes Farrell – he co-wrote "Come a Little Bit Closer" and "Hang On Sloopy," among other hits, and produced the music for The Partridge Family TV show – pulled out all the stops when he produced "Worst That Could Happen." Which is exactly what he should have done, because Jimmy Webb certainly held nothing back when he wrote the song.
The first two verses (and their accompanying choruses) of "Worst That Could Happen" are fairly straightforward – they lay the foundation for the shenanigans in the second half of the song.
At 1:42 – following the second chorus – Webb gives us a classic pop-song bridge (in a different key, which accentuates the contrast between the previous part of the song and the bridge).
At 2:06, when the bridge is over and we move to the third and final verse, Webb changes keys again, modulating upward to increase the dramatic tension created by the song.
Felix Mendelssohn (1809-1847)
At 2:28, producer Farrell whacks us in the face with a musical 2 x 4. To wit, he abruptly steps on the brakes before singer Maestro completes the final line of the chorus, and inserts an organ flourish that leads into a trumpet fanfare based on Mendelssohn's famous "Wedding March."
Everyone – Maestro, his backup singers, the trumpeters, and the rest of the band – then join in for a somewhat frenzied outro that turns the volume and intensity up to an 11 on a 10 scale.
After that, I need to lie down and put a cool washcloth on my forehead.
* * * * *
Click here to listen to "Worst That Could Happen," which today is being inducted into the 2 OR 3 LINES "GOLDEN DECADE" HIT SINGLES HALL OF FAME.
When my dog Lily needs to poop, I just open the door and let her go into the backyard. No fuss, no muss!
But what if I lived in a happening neighborhood in Brooklyn instead of a boring Washington, DC suburb? I’d have to take her down the elevator in my apartment building and walk her on the busy streets until she got down to business (in full view of everyone walking by) – and then I’d have to pick up after her.
(By the way, did you know that most mammals need only about 12 seconds to poop? If you don't believe me, you can click here to read the Science magazine story that is my source.)
Picking up poop s not the only inconvenience that a New York City dog owner has to suffer, of course. Let’s say I run into a friend while I’m taking Lily back to my apartment building, and the friend suggests we get a beer. What the hell am I supposed to do with Lily while I’m in the bar with my friend?
Do I tie her to a parking meter or bike rack? That’s not advisable – after all, there are a lot of shady characters in the Big Apple. And what if it’s raining, or really cold, or really hot?
So I tell the friend I’ll have to take a raincheck on that beer. Because I’m not going to walk Lily all the way back to my building, go up in the elevator to my floor, put her inside my apartment, take the elevator back down, and walk back to the bar.
Thanks to a Brooklyn dog lover, there’s a solution to my dilemma:
The Dog Parker
It’s the Dog Parker – which claims to be “not your average doghouse.”
From the company’s website:
Precision Engineered
Dog Parkers are designed to ensure your dog is safe, secure and protected while you go inside.
Thermo-Controlled
Dog Parkers automatically cool the air to ensure your dog is comfortable and safe all year round (32-80 degrees F).
Spacious & Comfortable
Dog Parkers are designed to fit most dogs comfortably and use fans to keep the air inside fresh.
Veterinary Grade
Dog Parkers' interior surfaces are firm, non-porous, comfortable and easy to clean.
A Dog Parker in action
Auto-Sanitizing
Dog Parkers use UV lights to kill bacteria, viruses, and molds between uses, giving you extra peace of mind.
Remotely Monitored
Dog Parkers are internet connected, allowing you to keep tabs on things remotely via your smartphone, anytime.
I saw a Dog Parker recently when a friend and I were taking a postprandial stroll through DUMBO (“Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass”), my favorite Brooklyn neighborhood.
How does it work? Easy-peasy, actually. You use the Dog Parker app to find the nearest vacant Dog Parker, and make a reservation for it. When you get to your Dog Parker, you simply open the door with your membership card and put your dog inside. You can then run some errands or get a drink with a friend, knowing that your dog is safe and secure. When you’re ready to retrieve Fido, you unlock the Dog Parker with your membership card – only your card will work, so no one else can dognap your pet.
What gave Dog Parker co-inventor Chelsea Brownridge the idea for a shared dog house?
The inspiration for Dog Parker started with my dog, Winston, a terrier mix rescue who lives with me in Brooklyn. Winston is extremely high-energy and suffers from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). For a long time, it was difficult taking Winston around the city with me because so many places don't allow dogs inside. I wouldn't tie him up because, like many, I worried he'd get loose, get scared, or be stolen. Sometimes, Winston needed to stay home more often than either of us wanted just because I'd go into a store for a few minutes where he wasn't allowed. I hated that Winston and I were missing out on lots of extra walks and adventures together. It made me sad to see his disappointed face as I left the apartment right after getting home from work to run errands, leaving him behind again. Eventually, I realized if Winston and I faced these challenges, then millions of other pet parents shared this experience when it came to spending more time with their dogs.
Dog Parker co-inventor Chelsea Brownridge
As a solution, I created the Dog Parker — a shareable dog house — so that the Winstons of the world can enjoy exploring the city life more with their owners. The Dog Parker combines dog-first design with technology to create a safe and comfortable house for dogs. It is important to me to make Dog Parkers accessible for all dog owners and to better enable dog-friendlier communities with the help of local businesses.
My vision for the world is a place where every dog owner has an option to have their dog join them for a walk, anytime and anywhere. I'm committed to giving dogs a safe home away from home — one Dog Parker at a time.
(Standing ovation for Chelsea Brownridge!)
There are about 20 Dog Parkers in Brooklyn. It’s not clear when Dog Parkers are coming to Manhattan, or Boston, or Washington, or any other place. But hopefully every city that has bike sharing will have Dog Parkers soon.
* * * * *
The legendary Memphis soul singer Rufus Thomas was 46 when he wrote and recorded “Walkin’ the Dog.” Often billed as “The World’s Oldest Teenager,” he continued to perform until a few years before his death in 2001.
Rufus Thomas
“Walking’ the Dog” was Thomas’s signature record. It peaked at number ten on the Billboard “Hot 100” in December 1963. The song was later covered by the Rolling Stones, Johnny Rivers, Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels, the Flamin’ Groovies, Aerosmith, Spirit, Green Day, and many others.
Girl, I heard you're getting married . . .
Maybe it's the best thing for you
But it's the worst that could happen to me
Young (and not-so-young) men all over Brooklyn, the greater New York City metropolitan area, and the entire civilized world are singing this song right now. That's because Brienne Walsh got married today.
Brienne Walsh
Regular readers of 2 or 3 lines know that Brienne -- the creator of the wildly entertaining A Brie Grows in Brooklyn blog -- is a blogger's blogger. (If you're not a regular reader of 2 or 3 lines, I suggest a daily glass of Metamucil!)
Brienne and her fiancé Caleb picking up their marriage license
It's not for nothing that I often refer to Brienne as "The Next Big Thing." Her writing is funny and provocative -- or, to quote her father, "lewd and disturbing."
I can't wait to read Brienne's account of her big day. While we're waiting for her to post about the wedding, click here to read what she wrote about her engagement.
I met Brienne and her fiancé, Caleb, for the first time last month. We had lunch at a laid-back little eatery called Superfine, which is located in the hip Brooklyn neighborhood that is known as "Dumbo."
Superfine
"Dumbo" stands for "Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass." (I kid you not.)
Here's a picture of Brienne and yours truly after that lunch. (She's the fabulous babe on the left. I'm not.)
Beauty and the beast
Brienne recently wrote a wry yet touching little essay about her fear that she won't look absolutely perfect in her wedding dress. Here's a brief excerpt from that piece:
I called my sister. "I AM NOT WEARING MY WEDDING DRESS!!! I AM FAT!!!" I screamed when she picked up.
Brienne didn't look so fat to me the day we met for lunch. Of course, she may have been swaddled in multiple layers of Spanx, or duct tape, or whatever.
I had never heard of Dumbo until my recent visit, but the neighborhood's residents coined the acronym around 1978. They hoped such an unattractive name would deter greedy developers from moving in -- HA!!!
Dumbo used to be an industrial area. Brillo soap pads were once manufactured there, and the cardboard box was invented in a building on Washington Street that is now the home of Etsy. But the neighborhood has become quite gentrified over the past few decades, and is emerging as one of New York City's premier arts districts.
Here's a picture of the place where I stopped for a beer later that afternoon. It's called reBar, except the "r" is backwards -- soooo hip!
The bar at reBar
Although Dumbo gets it name from the Manhattan Bridge, it is also very close to the Brooklyn Bridge:
Dumbo residents are whimsical folks. Someone has dumped a couple of wheelbarrows of sand in a small public park near the riverfront and named the area "Dumbo Beach."
Dumbo Beach
The neighborhood is full of art galleries and performance spaces and trendy bars and restaurants with postindustrial decor. There are a number of little shops selling cute and useless items, like these notecards:
You could have knocked me over with a feather when I learned that "Worst That Could Happen" was written by the very talented Jimmy Webb -- who also penned "By the Time I Get to Phoenix," "Up, Up and Away," "Wichita Lineman," "Galveston," and the truly fabulous "MacArthur Park."
"Worst That Could Happen," which was originally recorded by the Fifth Dimension, became a big hit in 1968 for The Brooklyn Bridge. The group's lead singer, Johnny Maestro (who died of cancer in 2010), had been the lead singer of the Crests, a doo-wop group whose "16 Candles" had reached #2 on the Billboard charts almost ten years earlier.
By the way, you may have thought the title of our featured song was "The Worst That Could Happen," but BMI says it's "Worst That Could Happen."
Jimmy Webb: everyone agrees that he's one of the all-time greats
"Worst That Could Happen" is one of the several songs by Webb that were inspired by his love affair with Linda Ronstadt's cousin, Susan Ronstadt. Just like the girl in "Worst That Could Happen," Susan decided to break Webb's heart and marry some other guy.
How many guys are feeling the same way about Brienne Walsh's nuptials? Plenty, I'm sure. But we're just going to have to get used to it, fellas . . .
Posts
