Bob Dylan – "Maggie's Farm" (1965)

She’s 68

But she says she’s 54

The road to online dating success is fraught with potholes and speed bumps — which Brits call “sleeping policemen,” by the way.  That’s especially true for older singles.

Let’s be honest –  most of you are pretty much p**ping the bed when it comes to finding quality dates on your own.  2 or 3 lines wants to help you find the man or woman of your dreams – to that end, we’re planning a series of posts designed to give you a leg up when it comes to online dating.

2 or 3 lines recently interviewed “Jane” – une femme d’un certain âge (and then some) – about her dating experiences. We think you’ll find what she had to say to say to be very interesting.

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2 or 3 lines:  Jane, thank you for agreeing to be interviewed for 2 or 3 lines.

Jane:  My pleasure.  

2 or 3 lines:  I understand you’ve been pretty successful when it comes to attracting dates.  What advice do you have for our female readers?

Jane: Well, of course you’ve got to lie about your age if you’re a woman.  I’m guessing that most of your female readers who are on an online dating website are probably doing that already.

2 or 3 lines: Really?  You think most women lie about their age in their online dating profile?

Jane: Absolutely.  We really have no choice if we want to date men who are near our age.  That’s because men have this thing about dating younger women.  It doesn’t matter if a guy is short, bald, and has a big belly – he still thinks he’s entitled to date younger women.

2 or 3lines:  It’s interesting you say that because I have a single friend who is over 70 but says he is only attracted to women who are 45 or younger.  He’s a smart, good-looking guy with plenty of money, but he says he has a lot of trouble finding women who are interested in him. 

Jane:  OF COURSE he does!  And I have some news for you – the younger women he does attract don’t care that he’s smart and good-looking.  If there are interested in him, it’s because he has plenty of money.  

2 or 3 lines:  Can I ask you the difference between your real age and the age that’s on your dating profile?

Jane: I’m six years older than what I claim to be.  Almost seven, actually – I’ve got a birthday coming up.

2 or 3 lines:  Has a man ever figured out you were lying about your age?

Jane:  No, because I always tell them my actual age on our second date.

2 or 3 lines:  Really?  Why is that?

Jane:  Think about it.  You only have a second date if the first date went reasonably well – so it’s usually safe to reveal your actual age on the second date.  But if you wait much longer, the guy’s going to feel like he’s been suckered – so you’ve got to come clean relatively quickly.  

2 or 3 lines:  That does make sense, I guess.  

Jane:  By the way, I didn’t come up with that approach myself – it was suggested to me by some male colleagues.

2 or 3 lines:  So men suggested that strategy?

Jane:  Yes.  It’s not surprising that they advised me to lie – after all, men don’t shy away from lying if that’s what it takes to get a woman.  But men also know that eventually the truth is going to come out when they lie – so the smart ones will have a plan for dealing with that when it happens.  They come up with a strategy for minimizing the consequences of the lie.

2 or 3 lines:  I think you’re probably right. Wow.

Jane:  By the way, men lie about their ages, too. Also their height.  How tall are you, by the way?

2 or 3 lines:  I’m almost six-two.

Jane:  That’s excellent.  I love tall men.

2 or 3 lines: Do you think that’s true of women generally?

Jane:  Absolutely – I’ve never met a woman who doesn’t want a man who’s taller than she is.  

2 or 3 lines:  Jane, this conversation has been quite enlightening.  Thanks for your time.

Jane:  You’re very welcome, mister almost-six-two.  Now that we’re finished with the interview, how about we go get a drink?

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“Maggie’s Farm” was released in 1965 on Bob Dylan’s fifth studio album, Bringing It All Back Home.

“Jane” isn’t the only woman I’ve met online who hasn’t been entirely honest about her age, but I haven’t met any woman other than Maggie who has been ballsy enough to claim she’s 54 when she’s really 68.

Click here to listen to “Maggie’s Farm.”

Click here to buy the record from Amazon.