Porno for Pyros – "Pets" (1993)

Children are innocent and

Teenagers f*cked up in the head

Adults are even more f*cked up

Back in my San Francisco days in the early eighties, I had a bachelor friend who lived in a very sparsely furnished two-bedroom apartment – we’re talking bare floors, bare walls, and minimal furniture.

“D” referred to his second bedroom as his laundry room.  But there was no washer or dryer in that room – it was basically a very large dirty-clothes hamper.  (Every night he would open the door to that room, toss in the clothes he had worn that day, and then close the door and climb into bed.)

I was watching TV with D one evening when his mother arrived for a visit.  

“Is this the apartment of a 28-year-old single man who doesn’t have a flair for interior decoration?  It is not!” she said after completing her walk-through of his apartment.  “This is the apartment of a 28-year-old man with a severe emotional disturbance!”

*     *     *     *     *

Here’s a photo of the immaculate front seat of my SUV:

Here’s a photo of the less-than-immaculate back seat – quite a contrast, isn’t it?

But I don’t think that’s the back seat of a man with a severe emotional disturbance – no siree Bob!

Rather, that’s the back seat of a man who has nine grandchildren (hence the two car seats, which take up an inordinate amount of space), who is a serious biker (hence the bike helmet, gloves, and floor pump), and who likes to be prepared for many contingencies (hence the baseball caps, the windbreaker/rain jacket, and the crossword puzzles torn out of the newspaper – you never know when you’ll be in need of a way to pleasantly kill a little time).

I really need a new SUV.  (Which is to say, I really want a new SUV.). But the prospect of cleaning out my back seat is so daunting that I’ve been putting the purchase off.

I’ll get around to it eventually.

*     *     *     *     *

When Jane’s Addiction broke up, two of its former members – frontman Perry Farrell and drummer Stephen Perkins – formed Porno for Pyros.  “Pets” is the very successful second single from the group’s eponymous debut album. 

Click here to watch the official music video for “Pets.”  (That video was directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris, who later directed the 2006 film, Little Miss Sunshine.)

Click here to buy “Pets” from Amazon.