Kelly Clarkson – "My Life Would Suck Without You" (2011)

 

My life

Would suck

Without you

The “Great American Songbook” isn’t an actual book.  It’s a term used to describe the canon of memorable pop songs and show tunes that were composed between roughly 1920 and 1960.

We’re talking about the songs of Cole Porter, George Gershwin, Irving Berlin, Jerome Kern, Johnny Mercer, Richard Rodgers, et al.  

Think “I’ve Got Rhythm,” “I’ve Got You Under My Skin,” “My Funny Valentine,” “Night and Day,” “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes,” “Some Enchanted Evening,” “Someone to Watch Over Me,” “That Old Black Magic,” “They Can’t Take That Away from Me,”“The Way You Look Tonight” . . .  I could go on and on.

What makes those songs so special?  Everything.

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Kelly Clarkson’s “My Life Would Suck Without You” – which I heard for the first time today while pumping iron at the gym – may have been a #1 hit single in 2009.  But it will NEVER be included in the “Great American Songbook.”

Kelly Clarkson

That song’s lyrics fall a tad short of the lyrics of the songwriters mentioned above.  Here’s the first verse, which is entirely bereft of cleverness or originality:

Guess this means you’re sorry

You're standin’ at my door

Guess this means you take back

All you said before

Like how much you wanted

Anyone but me

Said you’d never come back

But here you are again

“Me” is about the easiest word in the English language to rhyme, but “Dr. Luke” Gottwald – the man who is primarily responsible for the pop music of the oughts being so godawful – and his co-songwriters apparently couldn’t come up with a better rhyme than “again.”  (Even Paul McCartney wasn't that lazy a lyricist.)  

The second verse is no better:

Maybe I was stupid

For tellin’ you goodbye

Maybe I was wrong

For tryna [sic] pick a fight

I know that I’ve got issues

But you’re pretty messed up, too

Either way I found out

I’m nothing without you

The best thing I can say about the bridge is that it is quite a bit shorter than the verses:

Being with you is so dysfunctional

I really shouldn’t miss you

But I can’t let you go

Oh, yeah

I didn't really need to quote all those lyrics to prove my point.  Simply mentioning the title of today’s featured song would have done the job:  “My Life Would Suck Without You” is the product of an appallingly lowest-common-denominator mind.

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I know that most teenagers are a mess both emotionally and intellectually, but the fact that a song like this went to #1 the week after it was released is cause for despair about the future of the human race.  (Good God.)

Click here to watch the music video for “My Life Would Suck Without You.”  (I dislike the song even more after watching it.)

Click on the link below to buy the song from Amazon: