Ronnie McDowell – "Older Women" (1981)

Older women, they understand

I've been around some, and I have discovered

That older women know just how to please a man

In the previous 2 or 3 lines, we learned about an Iranian wife who behaved very badly on a recent Qatar Airways flight.

Today’s 2 or 3 lines is about a woman who was guilty of a very different kind of bad behavior on a recent Delta Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Detroit. 

It seems that once that flight took off from LAX and the cabin lights had been  dimmed, a sharp-eyed flight attendant noticed that a female passenger’s head – which was partly concealed under a blanket – was bobbing up and down in the lap of her male seatmate.

The flight attendant reportedly told the woman to “sit up straight,” which put an end to the monkey business.  

I wonder how Kris Conrad would have handled the situation:

It turned out that the woman turned out to be 48 years old (i.e., old enough to know better), while her seatmate was 28 (i.e., young enough to be her son).

It also turned out that the woman had an 0.12% blood-alcohol level, had bloodshot eyes, and was (to quote the airport police who met the flight in Detroit)  “wobbly.”

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Would you believe that the couple were total strangers before they boarded the flight?  (Southwest allows you to pick your seats, but these two were flying Delta, which preassigns seats.  That means that it was purely random that they ended up seated next to one another.)

So either it was love at first sight for this May-December couple – how romantic! – or the unwatchable Snatched was the in-flight movie, forcing them to come up with another way to entertain themselves during the long flight.

Unwatchable

Several of the other passengers noticed what was going on.  But the guy sitting next to the couple was oblivious.  From the Detroit News:

One witness “felt bad” for the cross-country airline passenger situated on the end of a three-seat row where a man and woman engaged in a sex act, according to reports released by airport police.

“But I guess he was sleeping,” wrote the witness.

A Delta Airlines 757-300

The pair initially claimed that the woman had just placed her head in the man's lap to sleep.  

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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The FBI's Detroit office, which apparently has very little to do, investigated the incident.  At first, the feds said that the couple could be charged with a misdemeanor, or even a felony.  But because their conduct didn’t threaten the safety of the passengers or the crew, it seems unlikely that they will be prosecuted.

One former FBI supervisor said he thought the frisky pair was guilty of “criminal stupidity – felony stupidity.”

But if stupidity was a crime in this country, we’d need to build a helluva lot more prisons.

Why didn't the woman wait until the plane landed, and then invite her new beau to accompany her to a nearby airport motel?  It’s simple – she had a connecting flight to Nashville, and he was flying on to Miami.

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The last 2 or 3 lines featured a song by an imitation Elvis Presley, and so does this one.   I don’t like the real Elvis much, so you’re probably surprised that I’m giving such prominence to a couple of Elvis wannabes like Terry Stafford and Ronnie McDowell.

Ronnie McDowell’s first hit was “The King Is Gone,” an Elvis tribute song that he released shortly after Presley’s death in 1977.  

Later, McDowell recorded a number of Elvis songs for the 1979 made-for-TV Elvis biopic, which starred Kurt Russell as Presley.  McDowell later covered the Elvis songs used on the soundtracks Elvis and the Beauty Queen (a 1981 made-for-TV movie), Elvis and Me (a 1988 miniseries), and Elvis Meets Nixon (a 1997 Showtime special). 

I’m going to cut McDowell a little slack because he served on board the USS Hancock, the aircraft carrier that my father served on during World War II.

The USS Hancock in 1968

I had never heard of McDowell, but he’s kind of a big deal in country music.  (He’s released 23 studio albums and 51 singles, and 34 of those singles cracked the Billboard “Hot Country Songs” chart.)

Here’s “Older Woman,” which was a #1 hit in 1981:

Click below to order the song from Amazon: