Paul Lynde and Marijane Maricle – "Kids" (1960)

Kids!

I don’t know what’s wrong with these kids today!

I recently saw this headline on the business news website, Business Insider:

The story went on to offer a surprising explanation for stagnating sales at Hooters restaurants:

Millennials are less interested in breasts than their elders.

People from the age of 18 to 24 are 19% less likely to search for breasts on pornographic website Pornhub compared to all other age groups, according to an analysis conducted by the website.

Nice wings!

For comparison, Pornhub visitors from the ages of 55 to 64 are 17% more likely to search for breast-related content. . . . 

For “breastaurants” like Hooters, a loss of interest in breasts is bad for business.  The number of Hooters locations in the US has dropped by more than 7% from 2012 to 2016, and sales have stagnated, according to industry reports.

You can click here to read the complete Pornhub analysis of breast-related searches on that website.  

Here are the states that are the most interested and least interested in breasts:

Despite the relative lack of interest in breasts among millennials, it does appear that American males as a whole are still pretty obsessed with boobs.  According to Pornhub, the United States is #5 in per capita breast-related searches.  

The only four countries whose residents are more likely to do such searches are (in reverse order of ranking) the UK, Canada, Finland, and . . . coming in at #1 . . . Nigeria.  (Really?)

The five countries that generate the least number of breast-related searches relative to their populations are all in South America: Chile, Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, and Peru.

So just what are South Americans searching for on Pornhub?

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Adding to Hooters’ woes is a new rival breastaurant called Twin Peaks.

Twin Peaks is trying to out-Hooter Hooters.  “Hooters just isn’t racy enough,” the founder of Twin Peaks told a reporter in 2014.  Twin Peaks waitresses doff their usual outfits (“tiny plaid shirts and barely-there shorts”) and wear lingerie on special occasions – like Valentine’s Day or St. Patrick’s Day. 

"A job with no sidework"?

Twin Peaks also promises draft beer “served at a teeth-chattering 29 degrees.”  That’s quite a bit colder than beer nerds would say is optimal.

(Alcohol has a lower freezing temperature than water, so beer doesn’t freeze at 29 degrees.  If it gets much colder than that, it will freeze – so don’t leave beer in your freezer.)

I’ve never been in or even seen a Twin Peaks.  The company is headquartered in Dallas — which figures.  (One third of the chain’s 80 restaurants are in Texas.  Most of the rest are in the South and the Midwest.)

The third major breastaurant brand is Tilted Kilt.  I’ve never been in or seen a Tilted Kilt either, although several of that chain’s 50 or so locations are in my neck of the woods.  (Slogan: “A cold beer never looked so good.”)

Tilted Kilt servers

Tilted Kilts have a Celtic theme in contrast to the outdoorsy, wilderness-lodge-style decor of Twin Peaks.

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All these breastaurants offer beer, wings, and lots of big-screen TVs.  Expect to find a real sausage fest if you go to one.

The good news for breastaurants is that while millennials seem to have lost interest in boobs, they still love wings.

Of course, beer never goes out of style.

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The plot of Bye Bye Birdie – which opened on Broadway in 1960, and ran for 607 performances – was inspired by Elvis Presley’s being drafted into the U.S. Army.  

The original Broadway cast included Dick Van Dyke, Paul Lynde, Chita Rivera, and . . . Michael J. Pollard?  Van Dyke periodically took time off from the show, and his fill-ins included Gene Rayburn and Charles Nelson Reilly, who many of us will remember from their appearances on The Match Game.  (Lynde, of course, is best remembered as a regular on The Hollywood Squares.)

Paul Lynde and Ann-Margret

Van Dyke and Lynde reprised their Broadway roles in the 1963 film version of Bye Bye Birdie.  The female cast members of the movie included Janet Leigh, Maureen Stapleton, and Ann-Margret.

The movie adaptation showcased Ann-Margret’s singing and dancing, and led to her being chosen to co-star with Elvis in Viva Las Vegas.

Van Dyke and Janet Leigh were reportedly unhappy with the film’s focus on her.  Paul Lynde said, “They should have retitled [the movie] Hello Ann-Margret!”   

Here’s the original Broadway cast recording of “Kids”:

Click below to buy the song from Amazon: