Eric Church – "Give Me Back My Hometown" (2014)

My friends try to cheer me up

Get together at the Pizza Hut

Going to the Pizza Hut certainly cheers me up, which is why I stop at the one in my neighborhood almost every Friday night on my way home from work.

Does it surprise you that I get my pizza at . . . Pizza Hut?  Did you assume that a bon vivant and boulevardier like me would chow down on fancy-schmancy artisanal pizza made with San Marzano tomatoes and buffalo mozzarella, and baked in wood-fired ovens?  

I grew up eating pizza from Pizza Hut (and Pizza Inn, and Shakey's, and Shotgun Sam's).  So eating at Pizza Hut gives me back my hometown (to quote Eric Church and today's featured song).

More importantly, if you order online, you can get a large Pizza Hut pizza with two toppings (pepperoni and mushrooms, thank you very much) for only $7.99 instead of the ten bucks it would if you called in your order.

(Those were the days!)

And if you forget to order from your work computer before you leave your office for the night?  No worries, mon -- you just fire up your Blackberry in the subway WHERE HALF THE TIME YOU CAN'T GET A SIGNAL! and order using the Pizza Hut mobile app WHICH DOESN'T WORK HALF THE TIME! and you usually forget to tell them you want the pizza ready for pickup when you get off the subway in 45 minutes rather than as soon as possible, which means they make it as soon as possible SO IT SITS AROUND AND GETS COLD WHILE YOU ARE SITTING MOTIONLESS IN THE SUBWAY WAITING TO GET PAST THE STRETCH OF TRACK WHERE THEY ARE SINGLE-TRACKING BECAUSE THE WHOLE DAMN SYSTEM IS FALLING APART!

I used to eat half of my pizza on Friday night and finish off the rest over the weekend.  But now I eat three of eight pieces on Friday night, and save remaining pieces for my weekday breakfasts -- one slice on Monday, one slice on Tuesday . . . get the picture?

I'm a very busy man and don't have time to eat my morning 'za at the kitchen table while I peruse the political news in the Washington Post.  (Did you see what that Donald Trump fellow said yesterday?  Oh behave, Mr. Trump!)  Instead, I eat my pizza in the car on my drive to the Metro station.

When I hear the little "ding" from the toaster oven that tells me my pizza is nice and warm, I grab my briefcase and take it out to my car.  I leave the driver-side door open, come back inside to grab my pizza and morning beverage (homemade iced tea or Dr. Pepper), and off I go.

You can't carry a briefcase, a slice of warm pizza, and a beverage and still manage to open the garage door and unlock the car door in one fell swoop – one simply does not have enough hands.  So I have to make two trips.

Or at least I did until I came across this handy little "Portable Pizza Pouch," complete with lanyard – it only costs eight bucks plus shipping and handling:

Here's a picture of my buddy Rick demonstrating the "Portable Pizza Pouch":

If you'd like to order your own "Portable Pizza Pouch," just visit the Stupidiotic website – that's www.stupidiotic.com – and give them your credit card.  

I already have a couple of hands-free around-the-neck wineglass holders:

I'm not sure that you could use the pizza and wineglass holders simultaneously.  But I don't drink wine with pizza, so that doesn't bother me a bit.

Here's the very obscure official music video for "Give Me Back My Hometown," the second single from Eric Church's 2014 album, The Outsiders.  The song was a #1 hit in both the U.S. and Canada, and was nominated for the Country Music Awards "Single of the Year" and the Grammy for "Best Country Song."

Click below to buy the song from Amazon.