Toby Keith – "Red Solo Cup" (2011)

Red Solo cup

I fill you up
Let's have a party!

The last day of February is always a bittersweet day for 2 or 3 lines.

Bitter because "29 Songs in 28 Days" is the ne plus ultra of my wildly popular little blog . . . its crowning achievement . . . the thing that makes 2 or 3 lines the real Slim Shady of pop music blogs.

Sweet because IT'S A PAIN IN THE ASS TO WRITE A POST EVERY DAY FOR A MONTH . . . especially when you readers just sit there and take, take, take, without giving anything back!

By now, you've no doubt figured out that the second of the two themes of this year's "29 Songs in 28 Days" is the visible spectrum.  

The posts that appeared on even-numbered dates all featured songs with a title or artist whose name included one of the six pure spectral colors – violet, blue, green, yellow, orange, and red.  Because 2 or 3 lines is nothing if not obsessive-compulsive, those color-related posts appeared in order, beginning with the shortest-wavelength color (violet) and ending with the longest-wavelength color (red).

Hence, we opened with Hole's "Violet" and are closing with Toby Keith's "Red Solo Cup," a song I had never heard of until five minutes ago.

*     *     *     *     *

Toby Keith is never afraid to tell it like it is:

Now, red Solo cup is the best receptacle

For barbecues, tailgates, fairs and festivals

And you, sir, do not have a pair of testicles

If you prefer drinkin' from a glass!

Actually, the song wasn't written by Toby.  It was written by two pairs of brothers:  Brett and Brad Warren and Brett and Jim Beavers.  (Jim Beavers, who has co-written eight #1 country singles, has an M.B.A. from Vanderbilt.  I bet he is the envy of everyone else in his class.)

A song this dumb shouldn't require four people to write it.  I think it goes without saying that they weren't sober when they penned the lyrics to this bad boy.  (When I say "weren't sober," I mean they were at eleven on a one-to-ten scale for inebriation.)

*     *     *     *     *

The red 16-ounce cup produced by the Solo Cup Company is the quintessential beer-drinking vessel.  (Let he – or she – who has not filled a red Solo cup with cheap beer from a keg cast the first stone!)

As the song notes, red Solo cups are not only economical, but also help to save the earth:

Hey, red Solo cup is cheap and disposable

And in fourteen years, they are decomposable

Not to mention patriotic, too:

Solo Cup's first product was the familiar paper cone used to drink from bottled-water coolers.  Over the years, Solo acquired a number of rival companies, including the Sweetheart Cup Company, which was once known as Lily-Tulip.  

In 1951, Lily-Tulip built a huge factory in Springfield, Missouri, which I remember driving by several times when I was a kid.  That building was notable for its entrance, which was an enormous faux paper cup:

By the way, Solo also makes a blue cup, which should NEVER be used for drinking beer from a keg.

Click here to read more about the red Solo cup.

*     *     *     *     *

You're no doubt expecting me to start down my usual narcissistic path here, telling one pointless tale after another about the parties where I used a red Solo cup to achieve an advanced state of intoxication.  I could do that . . . but it's the end of the longest month of the year for 2 or 3 lines.  I'm purt near plumb tuckered out.

So let's just cut to the chase.  Click here to watch the music video for "Red Solo Cup," which features not only the irrepressible Toby Keith, but also Carrot Top, Lance Burton, Craig Ferguson, Eric Church, Joe Nichols, Roger Clemens, Larry Bird, Sammy Hagar, and  . . . last but certainly not least . . . Ted Nugent!

Click below to buy "Red Solo Cup" from Amazon:

Toby Keith -- "How Do You Like Me Now?!" (2000)

Alarm clock starts ringing

Who could that be singing?

It's me baby, with your wake up call!

Like a lot of country songs, "How Do You Like Me Now?!" -- yes, that is the correct punctuation -- tells a story. 

It seems that the singer had a crush on a particular girl when they were in high school.  She was "always the perfect one," not to mention being the class valedictorian. He was desperate to attract her attention, but she had "too many boyfriends to mention."  (Remind you of anyone from your high school class?  Me, too.)

Toby Keith

My theory is that many -- probably most -- creative artists are driven to create by a sense of inferiority that goes back at least to high school. Maybe their fathers were disappointed in them, or their teachers and classmates viewed them as stupid.  Or maybe they had crushes on girls who were way out of their league. 

Did that make them mad?  Probably.  But they didn't just get mad, they got even!  They channeled their resentment into their art or their writing or their music.

The singer of this song doesn't seem to resent his father, or his teachers -- but he sure as hell resents that uppity little valedictorian who never paid him the attention he deserved.

So he moved to Nashville and made himself a star. (According to the song, he heard that she made fun of his delusions of grandeur when he took off, but he's probably wrong -- it's more consistent with his depiction of her that she was never even aware that he had left town to seek his fame and fortune, and couldn't have cared less if she had been.)

And the most satisfying thing about his eventually becoming a star and having a hit record is knowing that she will hear that record on the radio and realize what a good thing she missed out on when she blew him off.

Because her life has gone straight down the crapper ever since she delivered her valedictory remarks at their high school graduation.  She married for money, not for love -- and was rewarded with a cheating husband.  Her kids hear her crying every night behind the closed door of her bedroom.

The interesting thing about this song is the unadulterated glee that the singer takes in getting his revenge on the girl that he claims to have once loved.  You expect the song to end with the singer saying something to comfort her, or feeling empathy.  But he doesn't seem to feel the least bit sorry for her. To the contrary: he's absolutely delighted by her misery.

Toby Keith's alma mater

I don't know if the song is based on Toby Keith's real-life experiences back at Moore (Oklahoma) High School. I'm guessing it is.

If I'm right, Keith obviously took the the advice of best-selling mystery writer, Mary Higgins Clark, who once said, "When someone is mean to me, I just make them a victim in my next book."

A lot of people swear by revenge. Muhammad Ali once said, "I'm no cheek turner.  You kill my dog, you better hide your cat."

Sir Walter Scott

Others advise against seeking revenge not so much because they believe in loving their enemies, but because they know how the desire for vengeance can poison the human heart.  Sir Walter Scott defined revenge as "the sweetest morsel to the mouth that was ever cooked in hell" -- it is tempting to indulge in it, but ultimately it never satisfies.

The singer of "How Do You Like Me Now?!" eats a big ol' heapin' helpin' of revenge, and then says, "Please, sir -- may I have some more?" That repast may seem to hit the spot going down, but it will likely leave the diner feeling queasy.

"How Do You Like Me Now?!" is perhaps the biggest hit Keith ever had -- and he's had a lot of hits. It stayed at #1 for five weeks, and Billboard ranked it the top country song of 2000. There must be a lot of people out there who are dying to take their revenge on someone who did 'em wrong when they were in high school.

Here's "How Do You Like Me Now?!":

Click here to buy the song from Amazon: