Brownsville Station -- "Smokin' in the Boys Room" (1973)

Sitting in the classroom

Thinking it's a drag

Listening to the teacher rap

Just ain't my bag

I saw this sign a few days ago on the door of the women's room in the building where my dentist has his office:

Here's a picture of the door of the men's room that is adjacent to that women's room:

There was obviously no need for a sign on the men's room door because men always play by the rules!  So why can't women play by the rules, too?

Actually, men don't always play by the rules -- as is demonstrated by this sign, which I saw in the bathroom at a downtown lunch spot I recently visited:

Wanna take a guess whether a man or a woman runs that place?

Here's the sign from the ice and water dispenser at that same lunch spot:

Let's forget the errant apostrophe and focus on the next line: "Put your cup in your hand."

When instructing someone how to get ice or water from a dispenser, is it really necessary to start out by telling him to "[p]ut your cup in your hand"?

Based on the two pieces of evidence available to us -- the "tinkle" sign in the bathroom and this sign, I think it's safe to say that not only is the restaurant run by a woman, but also that this restaurant is run by a woman whose experience with men has taught her that there is nothing that a man can't screw up.

Can you imagine being that woman's child?  Or husband, for that matter  -- who might as well be one of her children because that is the way she treats him.  I guarantee to you that she has trained him to sit down when he "tinkles" so he doesn't make a mess with that nasty you-know-what of his.

Anyway, let's get back to the first sign above -- the one about smoking in the ladies room.

I frankly have a deep-seated distaste for smoking and smokers.  I'm not sure where that distaste came from, but it is very strong indeed.

I have never smoked a cigarette in my life, and I never will -- it grosses me out just to think about it.  (FYI, I'm not a fan of chewing gum either.)

Not smoking was a very profitable strategy for me to follow when I was in high school.  When I was 16, my father promised to buy me a new car if I maintained my grades and didn't smoke or drink until I graduated from high school.  

1970 Olds Cutlass Supreme coupe

I'm not sure he really intended his promise to be taken seriously.  But I remembered it and took it very seriously.  And to give my father the credit he deserves, he came through with a shiny new 1970 Olds Cutlass Supreme two-door coupe with a vinyl top and a 350-cubic inch V-8 engine (which came standard).

NOTE: That car served me well for ten years, until I was transferred to the San Francisco office of the federal agency that employed me.  I left the car with the woman who later became my wife, and she promptly totaled it.  To be fair, she wasn't in the car when it was totaled -- some drunk plowed into it in the middle of the night while it was innocently parked on a Washington, DC street.  To be precise, it was parked in front of the house where my bride-to-be was visiting a gentleman friend.  (I didn't mind the gentleman friend so much, but I did miss that car.)

I not only didn't smoke, but also was turned off by women who did.  I dated very few women who were smokers.  Of course, I dated very few women who weren't smokers. 

So all else being equal, I avoided women who smoked.  But all else is almost never equal, is it?  

If I had sat down and listed the criteria that mattered most to me in choosing a lady friend, whether she smoked or didn't smoke was a significant factor.  In fact, it may have been #2 in significance.  

But it was not #1 -- it was not even in the same time zone as #1.

"Smokin' in the Boys Room" was a #3 hit for Brownsville Station, an Ann Arbor, Michigan band that released it on its third studio album, Yeah!, in 1973.  

The song was co-written and sung by the late Michael "Cub" Koda, who was once described by author Stephen King as “America’s greatest houserocker" -- whatever the hell that means.

P. J. Soles and Dey Young

"Smokin' in the Boys Room" was featured in the fabulous Rock 'n' Roll High School, which starred the adorable P. J. Soles as a Ramones-loving bad girl, the adorable Dey Young as a Vince Van Patten-loving good girl, and the 100% unadorable former child star (and younger brother of director Ron Howard), Clint Howard.

If you ever want to give a small child nightmares, just set him down in front of a computer and show him photos of Clint Howard:

Clint Howard has acted in some real stinkers, but may have reached the nadir of his career when he portrayed a cross-dressing man named "Nipples" in the truly execrable 2000 Adam Sandler movie, Little Nicky:

A cover of "Smokin' in the Boys Room" was a hit for Mötley Crüe in 1985.  When Koda died in 2000, his father told a reporter that his son liked Mötley Crüe's cover version just fine because “[h]e made more money off Mötley Crüe that he did off Brownsville Station."  (It was as true then as it is today: money talks, and you-know-what walks.)

Brownsville Station's last single to chart was titled "Martian Boogie."  It's even worse than the title sounds.

Here's "Smokin' in the Boys Room":

Click below to buy the song from Amazon:

Ramones -- "Rock 'n' Roll High School" (1979)

I just want to have some kicks!

I just want to get some chicks!

I have a very specific memory of watching a videotape of the movie Rock 'n' Roll High School 29 years ago while sitting on the floor with my oldest child in my lap.  (He was seven or eight months old at the time.)

When the Ramones kicked into this song, I picked him up and positioned him on his feet, facing me – holding his hands over his head to keep him upright, and bouncing him up and down to simulate dancing.  I loved it . . . he loved it . . . and if he gives me a grandchild before I croak, I'm sure said grandchild will love it when I do the same thing with him/her.

The Ramones

*     *     *     *     *

Everything about Rock 'n' Roll High School (the movie) is wonderful – especially the cast and the soundtrack (which was heavy on Ramones songs).

P. J. Soles (as the bad girl)

The movie stars P. J. Soles as the adorable bad girl Riff Randell, who lives for rock and roll.  (P. J. debuted in my favorite soap opera of all time, Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing, but is better known for her roles in Carrie, Private Benjamin, and Stripes – where she played a female M.P. who became Bill Murray's girlfriend.) 

Dey Young (as the good girl)

Dey Young plays Riff's best friend, the adorable good girl Kate Rambeau – a goody-two-shoes who finally loosens up and lets herself go.  (Dey's older sister, Leigh Taylor-Young, was once married to her Peyton Place co-star, Ryan O'Neal.)  

For some reason Dey never became a big star.  Here she is today:

Dey Young at age 55.  (Hey now!)

The cast also included Vince Van Patten (Dick's son, who was a successful pro tennis player – a couple of years after appearing in the movie, he defeated John McEnroe on his way to winning a big tournament in Tokyo), Mary Woronov (an Andy Warhol protégé who appeared in a number of cult movies), Paul Bartel (who appeared in 17 movies with Woronov), and – last but certainly not least – Clint Howard.

Clint Howard with "Gentle Ben."

Clint Howard is the younger brother of Ron "Opie" Howard.  He starred in the TV series Gentle Ben when he was a child.  (The title character was a 650-pound bear who was Clint's pal.)  

I always thought Clint was the least appealing child star of his generation.  But he was really unappealing at age 20 when he played Eaglebauer in Rock 'n' Roll High School.

Clint Howard (as Eaglebauer)

Of course, Clint Howard was Brad Pitt compared to the late Joey Ramone (real name: Jeffry Ross Hyman), the frontman of the Ramones, who were the real stars of the movie.

Joey Ramone

*     *     *     *     *

Rock 'n' Roll High School (which cost only about $300,000 to make) was produced by the legendary low-budget producer, Roger Corman.  

Corman is best known for directing a series of eight films based on the works of Edgar Allan Poe in the early sixties.  (All but one starred Vincent Price.)  He also directed a bunch of biker and psychedelic-trip movies aimed at the youth market and usually shown at drive-ins.

Roger Corman, who directed
The Pit and the Pendulum

Many notable directors – including Francis Ford Coppola, Martin Scorsese, Peter Bogdanovich, Jonathan Demme, James Cameron, and Ron Howard – worked with Corman early in their careers.  (Six of Corman's protégés won "Best Director" Oscars.)  

The actors who got started in Corman movies include Jack Nicholson, Peter Fonda, Bruce Dern, Robert DeNiro, David Carradine, and Dennis Hopper.  (There were plenty of roles for really weird dudes in Corman flicks.)

The Terror was a 1963
Roger Corman film

*     *     *     *     *

My second favorite Corman movie was 1975's Death Race 2000, a dystopian movie in which the United States has become a latter-day Roman Empire whose government keeps the citizenry entertained with gory sporting-event spectacles.  (Think NFL, NASCAR, and WWE all rolled into one.)  

The "death race" of the title is a coast-to-coast automobile race where the drivers – who include Sly Stallone, David Carradine, Mary Woronov, and Fred Grandy (who later played "Gopher" on The Love Boat and eventually was elected to four terms in Congress) – can score bonus points by running over pedestrians and spectators.  

Click here to see the trailer for Death Race 2000.

But as good as Death Race 2000 was, Rock 'n' Roll High School was even better.  Let's face it – I'm just a sucker for high-school movies . . . especially high-school movies featuring girls' gym-class scenes.

Click here to see that scene. 

(By the way, that piano piece that Riff scorns at the beginning of that clip is "Alley Cat," by Danish composer and pianist Bent Fabric, which was a top ten single in 1962.  I still have the sheet music to "Alley Cat.")

*     *     *     *     *

The musical highlight of the movie is a five-song Ramones concert medley.  (Yes, that is a guy in a giant white-rat costume in the audience.)

Click here to watch that scene. 

[SPOILER ALERT!]

The movie's climactic scene features Riff Randell blowing up the school as the Ramones perform "Rock 'n' Roll High School."  (The film was shot on the campus of a defunct Los Angeles high school that actually was blown up for the movie.)

Click here to watch that scene.

Click here to buy a DVD of the movie from Amazon.