Alice Cooper – "Elected" (1972)

I never lied to you

I’ve always been cool

I wanna be elected!

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, again” is a proverb you’ve probably heard many times.

The Canadian humorist Stephen Leacock rejected that adage:

There is an old motto that runs, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”  This is nonsense. 

It ought to read “If at first you don’t succeed, quit, quit at once.”

If you can’t do a thing, more or less, the first time you try, you will never do it.  Try something else while there is yet time.

It’s too bad that billionaire David Trone didn’t listen to Stephen Leacock.  If he had, he would have saved a lot of money.

*     *     *     *     *

Saying that Trone spends money on his political campaigns like a drunken sailor is probably not fair to drunken sailors.

If you were as rich as David Trone,
you’d be laughing, too!

Trone knows drunken sailors, by the way – he and his brother Robert own Total Wine & More, which operates 250-odd liquor superstores in 28 states.  The company’s 2023 revenues exceeded $6 billion.  

Trone set a record in 2016 when he spent $13.4 million of his own money in an unsuccessful attempt to win the Democratic primary election for Maryland’s 8th congressional district.  No one had ever spent more money to lose a race for Congress.  (He got 35,400 votes, so his cost-per-vote was about $378.)

His estimated net worth is $2.5 billion, so dropping a mere $13.4 million didn’t discourage Trone.  When 2018 rolled around, he ran for Congress once more – but in Maryland’s 6th district instead of its 8th.  (Trone didn’t have to change his address to run in the 6th district – members of Congress don’t have to reside in the district they represent.)  

Trone outspent his Republican opponent by a 10-to-1 margin and cruised to victory in November.  He then  easily won re-election in 2020 and 2022.

He probably could have held on to his congressional seat for as long as he wanted to.  But when one of Maryland’s incumbent U.S. Senators announced his intention to retire in 2024, Trone decided he was just the man for the job.

That turned out to be a very costly mistake.  Trone spent a whopping $62.5 million seeking the Democratic nomination for that Maryland Senate seat, only to lose to Prince George’s County Executive Angela Alsobrooks.

And it wasn’t even close.  Alsobrooks beat Trone by a 53-to-43 margin.

*     *     *     *     *

But even a second expensive defeat wasn’t enough to teach Trone a lesson.  This year, he decided to run for his old 6th district seat.

Perhaps he thought that April McClain Delaney, the woman who took his place when he tried to move from the House to the Senate, would politely step aside for him.  But she quickly disabused him of that notion.

Like Trone, Delaney is a very wealthy person.  (She obtained her wealth the old-fashioned way – she married a very rich guy.)

The two candidates go way back.  Delaney’s husband John represented the 6th district in Congress from 2012 until 2018, when he resigned to run for the Democratic nomination for President.  (You weren’t aware that Delaney was a candidate for President in 2020?  You’re not alone – his poll numbers were infinitesimal.)

Who took over Delaney’s seat in Congress?  None other than David Trone.  The Delaneys supported Trone’s candidacy, and Trone returned the favor by endorsing John Delaney for President.  But friendship went out the window when Trone tried to claw back April Delaney’s 6th district seat.  

Delaney speculated that Trone had  decided to run against her because he was “a bored billionaire.”    

But Trone said boredom had nothing to do with it.  “If I felt the congresswoman was doing a good job in representing the district and the Democratic Party, I would definitely have not run,” Trone told the Washington Post.

Because there no real policy differences between the two candidates, I can’t help but believe that the whole kerfuffle was about ego more than anything else.  (If there’s something I know a lot about, it’s egos.  I may not have a Trone-sized bank account, but I’ll match my ego to his any day of the week.)

 *     *     *     *     *

The fight for the 6th district Democratic nomination was the most expensive Congressional primary campaign in history.  Delaney spent $7.5 million of her husband’s money in hopes of holding on to her seat.  Trone topped that by shelling out a cool $25 million.

Nevertheless Delaney ended up prevailing by a 44-38 margin.  (Six other wannabes shared the remaining votes.) 

Just under 21,000 votes were cast for Trone, which means each vote cost over $1000.

Because Maryland allows a candidate to win with only a plurality of votes, we will be spared the spectacle of a runoff campaign this summer.  One can only imagine how much do-re-mi Mommy and Daddy Warbucks would go through in such a contest.

*     *     *     *     *

When I wrote about Trone’s expensive defeat in the 2024 Maryland Senate primary, I noted that I was old enough to remember when it was the Republicans who had the advantage when it came to buying elections.  But now it’s the Democrats who have a big edge in campaign spending.

According to Open Secrets, a nonpartisan research group, Democratic candidates for federal office in 2020 heavily outspent their Republican opponents:

Biden’s campaign became the first to raise over $1 billion from donors.  Biden’s cash advantage over Trump helped him pepper swing states with far more campaign ads.  Biden also received more help from super PACs and “dark money” groups. 

Trump’s campaign raised $774 million.  Trump raised over half of his money from small donors giving $200 or less, a stunning figure no other presidential candidate has matched. . . .

In Senate races, Democratic general election candidates raised over $1.1 billion, easily dwarfing Republicans’ $752 million.  In House races, Democrats outraised Republicans $898 million to $763 million. 

That Democratic advantage held up in 2024, when the total spending for Democratic candidates in all federal elections was $3.1 billion compared to $2.1 billion in spending for Republican candidates – which is close to a 50% advantage.

*     *     *     *     *

Times may have changed when it comes to which political party has the most money to spend.  But what hasn’t changed is that Alice Cooper’s 1972 masterpiece, “Elected,” is still the record ever about political candidates

Click here to view the fabulous “Elected” music video.

Click here to buy the record from Amazon.   

Alice Cooper – "Elected" (1972)

I never lied to you

I’ve always been cool

I wanna be elected!

They say a leopard can’t change its spots.

They also say that a politician will shove his mother out of the way if she’s standing between him and a camera.

Here’s a recent photo of the head of my county’s government, Marc Elrich, attending the annual celebration of the Holi festival with local followers of the Hare Krishna movement:

When I first saw that photo, I thought that someone had pranked Elrich.  But it turns out that Holi – which people celebrate by throwing colored powder at each other – is actually a thing.  (Who knew?) 

*     *     *     *     *

The obvious explanation for Elrich’s willingness to attend an event like the local Holi festival is that he’s a politician who is determined to leave no stone unturned in his efforts to put himself in front of potential voters.  (Is it possible that there are enough Hare Krishnas in Montgomery County to have any effect on local elections?  Better safe than sorry!) 

Elrich will be 77 years old when his second term as the County Executive of Montgomery County, Maryland – the home of 2 or 3 lines – ends next year.  You might think that would be enough to discourage him from running for re-election.  But there are plenty of recent examples of people that old or older holding high office to demonstrate that advanced age is no match for a politician’s ego.    

Unfortunately for Elrich, last year the voters approved a ballot measure prohibiting from running for a third term as County Executive.  And there’s really no other elective office that would make sense for him to seek.  (I can’t imagine he would run for a lesser office at this point, and the higher ones are all spoken for.)

Elrich to Montgomery County voters:
“We don’t need no stinkin’ term limits!”

So if Elrich isn’t running for re-election, why does he continue to attend events like the Holi festival and post photos of himself shaking hands and kissing babies on Facebook, Twitter, and elsewhere? 

Possibly for the same reason that the scorpion in the old fable stings the frog that is carrying it across a river.  

“Without me to carry you across the river, you will drown,” the frog asks after the scorpion delivers the fatal sting.  “So why did you sting me?”

“Because that’s my nature,” the scorpion answers.

*     *     *     *     *

I’ll have a lot more to say about County Executive Elrich in the next 2 or 3 lines.

In the meantime, you’re invited to click here and enjoy the brilliant music video for Alice Cooper’s “Elected,” which was released in 1972 on the Billion Dollar Babies album.  (John Lennon once told Alice that “Elected” was a great record, but that Paul McCartney would have done it better.  One out of two ain’t bad.)

Click here to buy “Elected” from Amazon.

Alice Cooper – "Elected" (1973)

I never lied to you

I’ve always been cool

I wanna be elected!

Saying that billionaire David Trone spends money on his political campaigns like a drunken sailor is probably not fair to drunken sailors.

Trone knows drunken sailors, by the way – he and his brother Robert own Total Wine & More, which operates 250-odd liquor superstores in 28 states.  The company’s 2023 revenues exceeded $6 billion.  

Life is good when you’re a billionaire!

Trone set a record in 2016 when he spent $13 million of his own money in an unsuccessful attempt to win the Democratic primary election for Maryland’s 8th congressional district.  No one has ever spent more money to lose a race for Congress.

But Trone is no dummy.  When 2018 rolled around, he didn’t run in the 8th district again – he ran for the 6th district nomination instead.  (Trone didn’t have to change his address to run in the 6th district – members of Congress don’t have to reside in the district they represent.). Trone then outspent his Republican opponent by a 10-to-1 margin and cruised to victory in November.

Trone easily won re-election in 2020 and 2022, and probably could have held on to his congressional seat indefinitely.  But when one of Maryland’s incumbent U.S. Senators announced his intention to retire, Trone decided he was the man for the job.

That turned out to be a very expensive mistake!

*     *     *     *     *  

Despite being once bitten by his 2016 fiasco, David Trone was not twice shy.  He spent about $62 million seeking the Democratic nomination for Maryland’s open Senate seat, only to lose to Prince George’s County Executive Angela Alsobrooks.

And it wasn’t even close.  Alsobrooks beat Trone by a 53-to-43 margin.

*     *     *     *     *

I’m old enough to remember when filthy-rich businessmen like David Trone were Republicans.  But if you’re filthy rich enough, you don’t really have to worry about how high taxes and inflation are – you can afford to be a Democrat.

I’m also old enough to remember when it was the Republicans who had the advantage when it came to buying elections.  But now it’s the Democrats who have a big advantage in campaign spending.

According to Open Secrets, a nonpartisan research group, Democratic candidates for federal office in 2020 heavily outspent their Republican opponents:

Biden’s campaign became the first to raise over $1 billion from donors.  Biden’s cash advantage over Trump helped him pepper swing states with far more campaign ads.  Biden also received more help from super PACs and “dark money” groups. 

Trump’s campaign raised $774 million.  Trump raised over half of his money from small donors giving $200 or less, a stunning figure no other presidential candidate has matched. . . .

In Senate races, Democratic general election candidates raised over $1.1 billion, easily dwarfing Republicans’ $752 million.  In House races, Democrats outraised Republicans $898 million to $763 million. 

*     *     *     *     *

Pretty much every time I do a post about elections, I feature Alice Cooper’s 1973 hit, “Elected.”

Click here to view the fabulous “Elected” music video.

Click here to buy the record from Amazon.

Alice Cooper – "Elected" (1972)

I never lied to you

I’ve always been cool

I wanna be elected!

From the November 4 issue of the Washington Post:

David Andahl died of covid-19 in early October, just as the coronavirus was pummeling his home state of North Dakota.  But that did not keep the 55-year-old rancher from winning his race for the state House of Representatives on Tuesday. . . .

Posthumous victories like Andahl’s are rare in the United States, though not entirely unprecedented.  Since 2000, at least six dead candidates have won elections at nearly every level of government, from mayoral races in small-town Tennessee to a U.S. Senate seat.

Most recently, Dennis Hof, a brothel owner and reality TV star, won a seat in the Nevada state legislature in 2018.  About three weeks before his victory, Hof was found dead at his Love Ranch brothel outside Las Vegas.

(At least Dennis Hof – like Nelson Rockefeller – died happy.)

*     *     *     *     *

This year, voting began at least 30 days before election day in Alabama, Illinois, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, South Dakota, Vermont, Virginia, and Wyoming.

So if David Andahl had been running for office in any of those states instead North Dakota, a number of voters – perhaps a significant number – might have cast their ballots for him before he died.

Since early voting didn’t begin in North Dakota until October 19 – some time after Andahl’s death – we can assume that everyone who voted for him on November 3 either (1) was not aware that he had died a month earlier, or (2) decided it was better to vote for a dead Andahl than one of his live opponents.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve voted in a number of elections where a dead candidate would have been preferable to the live doofuses who were listed on the ballot.

*     *     *     *     *

Imagine if the Baseball Writers Association of America allowed early voting for the annual Most Valuable Player awards.  In other words, imagine that MVP voters were allowed to make their picks over Labor Day weekend rather than waiting until all the games had been played and the season was over.

That’s a pretty stupid idea, right?  After all, what happens in the last few weeks of a season is likely to be very significant when it comes to choosing an MVP.  It only makes sense for all the voters to cast their ballots after the season is over, when they have access to the full-season statistics that are relevant to a decision.

But we do things differently in presidential elections – which are certainly more important than Most Valuable Player votes.  

*     *     *     *     *

Early voting bothers me.  

Not because it makes it a easier to engage in voter fraud – which it does, of course (at least on a small scale) – but because I feel like it just makes sense for everyone to be voting at the same time . . . like baseball MVP voters.

If you vote two weeks, or four weeks, or even longer before the election, what if some crazy sh*t happens between the day you cast your ballot and election day?  For example, let’s say – I’m speaking hypothetically, of course! – that one of the candidates comes down with a life-threatening medical condition on, say, October 2.

What if you had voted on October 1, or even earlier?  Maybe you’d be happy with your vote regardless because you would have voted for your candidate even if Jesus Christ himself was running against him.

But maybe you would have voted differently if you had waited until later.  

*     *     *     *     *

What if your candidate ended up kicking the bucket before election day – like the unfortunate David Andahl?   

It’s likely that the dead candidate’s party would replace him or her with its vice-presidential nominee.  But the party could decide to name someone else – someone who wasn’t on the ballot at all.

If you had voted early for the dead candidate, maybe you’d be happy with the vice-presidential nominee (or a different replacement) taking the dead candidate’s place. But maybe you wouldn’t – maybe you would have voted for the other party’s nominee  instead.  

I have a feeling that if John McCain had died before the 2008 election and been replaced by Sarah Palin, the Democrats would have gotten a lot more votes.

*     *     *     *     *

I admit that the odds of a presidential candidate dying a few weeks before an election are pretty slim.

But it wouldn’t be at all surprising if something happened after early voting had started that caused a large number of early voters to wish they had waited.  

Maybe a candidate says or does something really stupid a week or two before the election.  (That would be a real shocker . . . NOT!)

Or maybe a drug company announces that its brand-new covid-19 vaccine was 90% effective a week before the 2020 election instead of a week after that election?  

Given that tens of millions of Americans voted early – and given that most of those early voters would have voted for a convicted serial murderer over Trump – it’s possible that an earlier announcement of the news about the vaccine wouldn’t have mattered.

But if everyone had had to wait until November 3 to vote, it’s certainly possible that a pre-election day  announcement that an effective vaccine was just around the corner would have altered the outcome of the presidential vote.  

*     *     *     *     *

There are plenty of examples of presidential elections being won or lost thanks to events that occurred shortly before election day.

For example, only eleven days before the 2016 election, FBI Director James Comey infamously sent a letter to Congress announcing that he was reopening an investigation into Hillary Clinton’s e-mails.  (Comey later said that he expected Clinton to win the election, and thought that if he held back on his announcement until after the election, people would accuse him of covering up on her behalf – which would have delegitimized her election from the very beginning.)

What if early voting had been as widespread in 2016 as it was in 2020?  Would that have significantly mitigated the impact of Comey’s action?  I think it almost certainly would have – perhaps Mrs. Clinton would have won despite Comey’s announcement.

(Speaking of e-mails and elections, wasn’t there some kerfuffle about somebody’s e-mails that came out a few days before Election Day 2020 – which was after millions of Americans had already voted?)

*     *     *     *     *

The problems caused by early voting would be mitigated if early voters could change their minds after casting a ballot.  

As I understand it, it is possible to change an early vote in some states, but the process is somewhat complicated, which would discourage at least some people who would like to change their votes from actually accomplishing that.

But most states don’t allow you to change an early vote.  

*     *     *     *     *

I’m not arguing that no one should ever be allowed to vote before election day.

After all, we’ve always allowed absentee ballots to be cast early by voters who were going to be out of town on Election Day, or who had to be at their jobs the entire time that the polls were open.

It seems reasonable to me to have a voting period of four consecutive days – Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday – which would avoid conflicts with religious beliefs and make voting a lot more convenient for working folks.  (There would still be some people who had a legitimate need to vote absentee, of course, but many fewer would be voting early than did so in 2020.)

Of course, that approach wouldn’t have really addressed concerns about covid-19.  Polling places wouldn’t be as crowded if you spread voting out over four days, but it might not have been possible to maintain perfect social distancing at all polling places throughout the four-day period.  Mailing ballots to voters and allowing them to be deposited in outdoor ballot boxes presumably minimized the possibility of any significant covid-19 spread as a result of voting.

But covid-19 won’t be a concern in 2024, right?  And the odds of us having another pandemic that year are probably no greater than the odds of a candidate being struck by lightning.

I guarantee you that we’re not going back to the old ways of doing elections.  It’s not obvious why early voting would generally favor one party over the other, but in practice it turned out to advantage one party greatly in 2020.  That’s going to make both sides fight like cats and dogs when bills that concern early voting are introduced in state legislatures in the future.

*     *     *     *     *

2 or 3 lines previously featured Alice Cooper’s “Elected” on November 6, 2012 – which just happened to be the day Americans went to their local polling places to elect a President.

I noted in that post that Democrat Barack Obama’s campaign raised a whopping 60% more than the campaign of his Republican opponent, Mitt Romney.

In 2016, Hillary Clinton and her supporters upped the ante considerably, raising almost twice as much as money billionaire (?) Donald Trump.

Trump and Clinton debating in 2016

The final numbers for 2020 aren’t in yet, but it’s clear that the Democrats had a huge fundraising advantage over their poor Republican cousins.  Going into the final week of the campaign, Joe Biden and Democratic Senate and House candidates had spent $6.9 billion, while Trump and the Republican congressional candidates had spent just over half that amount.

2 or 3 lines is so old that I remember when the fat cats in this country were Republicans, and the GOP was easily able to outspend the Democrats in the elections. 

But those days are l-o-n-g gone.  In 2020, Biden raised over four times as much do-re-mi from Wall Street guys as Trump did.

*     *     *     *     *

Click here to watch the original music video for “Elected,” which is silly-bazilly (especially the part where the chimpanzee lights everyone’s cigarettes). 

Click here to buy that recording from Amazon.