Showing posts with label Brienne Walsh Zipperer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brienne Walsh Zipperer. Show all posts

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Simon and Garfunkel – "I Am a Rock" (1965)


I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room 

In the last 2 or 3 lines, I talked to fellow blogger extraordinaire Brienne Walsh Zipperer about her pregnancy, expensive SoHo lofts, and rude subway-riding Hasidic Jews.

In today’s 2 or 3 lines, Brienne and I talk about reading and writing. 

McNally Jackson Books in SoHo
2 or 3 lines: Let's get serious for a moment.  On our way to lunch, we stopped at McNally Jackson Books around the corner on Prince Street.  Everyone knows I get all my books at the public library, so I didn't buy anything.  But you picked up a few books – tell my readers what you bought.

Brienne:  I just bought everything you recommended because you are a genius.  I’m kidding, but not really.  You are one of the few people I know who is as devoted a reader as I am.  I love talking to you about books.    

2 or 3 lines:  Thank you, Brienne – I'm very pleased to know you feel that way.

Brienne at the bookstore
Brienne:  I’m pretty shallow, so I’m very impressed by the fact that you went to Harvard Law School.  What’s even more impressive is that you were accepted by Harvard as an undergraduate but you turned them down, which absolutely no one does!

2 or 3 lines:  Well, Harvard doesn’t see many applications from poor African-American kids from Joplin, Missouri – I’m sure that helped me get accepted.

Brienne:  But you’re not African-American! 

2 or 3 lines:  You know that, and I know that, Brienne – but the Harvard College admissions department didn’t know it.  Anyway, tell me about the books you bought today.


Brienne: I bought We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver, which I’m going to read first. 

[NOTE:  Between the day we had lunch and today, Brienne read We Need to Talk About Kevin and posted her review of it on her blog.  Click here to read it.  Since I recommended that book to her, you would have thought that she would have given me some credit.  But she didn’t even mention my name.] 

Brienne:  I also bought The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes.  You recommended Madame Bovary, so I picked up the Lydia Davis translation of it.  Finally, you bought me The Turnaround by George Pelecanos, so I will have to read it.

2 or 3 lines: Yes, you will.

Brienne:  I know our trip to the bookstore is going to significantly improve my life over the next week.  Normally I spend at least eight hours of my day feeling oppressively bored – so thanks for all of the recommendations!


2 or 3 lines:  I need to tell my readers that I recommended a lot of books as we strolled through the bookstore, but you had already read nearly all of them.  Meanwhile, you recommended a number of books to me that I had never heard of – it got to be a little embarrassing after a while.  You're how old – 32? – how have you managed to read so many good books at such a young age?  

Brienne:  Many reasons.  I hate hanging out with people, and rarely ever leave the house.  I’m incredibly lazy.  I love immersing myself in fantasy worlds so that I don’t have to deal my humdrum reality.  I could go on, but I’ll just end up sounding like a Buzzfeed list about introverts.  In essence, books are my great love, which sounds trite, but is true.

2 or 3 lines:  Any book recommendations for me and the readers of 2or3lines?

Brienne:  There’s Elena Ferrante’s four “Neopolitan” novels, and also Karl Ove Knausgaard’s My Struggle series – only Book I is really worth it, however.  Recently, I read War and Peace, which I expected to be oppressively boring, but I devoured it like I would devour a Downton Abbey marathon after eating a couple of weed brownies.  I loved Custom of the Country by Edith Wharton, too.  I just read a great junk science fiction novel called Ancillary Justice.  We talked about Lionel Shriver a few minutes ago – her Big Brother, which is about obesity and overeating, is very good.

Brienne reading Knausgaard's "My Struggle"
2 or 3 lines: Buckle your seat belt, because this interview is about to become really meta.  To tell the truth, we didn't go to the bookstore before we had lunch – we went after we had lunch.  And I'm writing this interview up a few weeks after we met as if we are talking as we are eating lunch, which would mean that we haven't actually gone to the bookstore yet.  But we have gone to the bookstore, of course.  And you’ve already read one of the books you bought on my recommendation and written a review of it.  It's like we’re doing time travel.

Brienne:  It is.  I think we both know and love that we live in a totally constructed reality.  There’s no shame in that.

2 or 3 lines: Which brings me to a very important point.  You and I both write blogs that are largely autobiographical – some would say narcissistic. 

Brienne: I agree that my writing is narcissistic.  That’s because I’m lazy.  It would take a lot of effort to actually leave my apartment and find people worth writing about, so usually I just opt for the easy way out and write about myself.


2 or 3 lines: One thing about your writing that I've always been terribly impressed by is how honest and frank it seems to be – you hold nothing back, whether you are writing about yourself or your family and friends.  Have I been fooled?  Are you being as fearlessly honest as I think you are?  Or do you bend the truth a little from time to time?   

Brienne: No, I’m fearlessly honest about the things that matter.  I might bend the truth when it comes to the details –sometimes I’ll say that something happened in person when it actually happened over the phone.  And sometimes I make the people I write about angrier or more ridiculous than they actually were.  My father, for example – I write like he’s the Robert DeNiro character in Meet the Parents with a healthy dose of Depression-inspired cheapness.   But in actuality, my father’s a very eloquent, intelligent, and funny guy himself – he appreciates my caricature of him because he spends a lot of his time caricaturing people himself.

2 or 3 lines:  For me, it’s not so much that I write things that aren’t true – the real dishonesty comes from self-censorship.  Maybe I should have written my blog anonymously so I didn't have to worry about revealing secrets I don’t want to reveal, or offending my family and friends.  You once told me that your husband doesn't read your blog – is that still the case?  And what about your parents or your sister or others you are close to?  Do you pull your punches at all when you write about them?

Brienne: The most deceptive thing I do is to not tell everything, so I’m just like you in that regard.  A writer inherently manipulates his or her audience, even if that audience is only two or three people.  And yes, I do hold a lot back.  I almost never talk about how much I think about my ex-boyfriends, for example.  And I never write about people who get angry at me for writing about them.


For example, my mother – who doesn’t even use a computer – seems to immediately know whenever I write about her.  It’s like she has a maternal sixth sense.  For example, for my birthday two years ago, she gave me a bag of her old bras.  She threw in a used rainbonnet in case I wanted to wear it at an outdoor Christmas party and look like a madwoman.  This happened in November.  The bras were 20 years old, and neither my mother nor I need them because both of us are AA cups.

In any case, I wrote a funny post about the bras, which she somehow found out about.  She ended up disinviting me from the family Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter.  She only started talking to me again after she got in a fight with my sister.   She needs to have at least one adult daughter to call before her tennis lesson every morning.

By the way, I’m pretty sure my mom will find out about this post telepathically, so I blame you if she leaves me alone in the hospital when I give birth to my daughter.  But . . . whatever.

2 or 3 lines:  What effect do you think being a mother is going to have on your writing?  Obviously your new daughter is going to demand a lot of your time and energy.  On the other hand, you're going to have a lot of new topics to write about.


Brienne: I’m not sure yet.  I’m hoping it gives me purpose.  I’m hoping it also opens me up to write fiction, which I’m terrified I’m not capable of.  But otherwise, I don’t see it changing my writing that much.  I’ve always written about what’s going on in my life, and having a daughter is yet another thing that will happen to me.

On a side note, I have almost nothing to do most days, so I’m actually looking forward to having something to fill my embarrassment of free time.

2 or 3 lines: You know how talented how I think you are.  But I know that the odds of breaking through and finding a large audience are stacked against you and other young writers.  You've admitted to having a lot of self-doubt or even self-loathing.  You find it hard at times to make yourself write.  Where would you like to be as a writer in five or ten years, and what do you think are realistic goals?

Brienne: The most realistic goal is that I’m still writing.  I used to think that if you put the work in, you would eventually “make it” – by which I meant, publish some books, get some acclaim, win some awards, be universally adored.  But after eight years of failing, I don’t see that happening for me.  If I’m still writing my blog in five years, even if no one reads it, I will see that as a personal accomplishment.  Not because it’s a struggle to write on it, but rather, because I usually lose interest in things pretty quickly, and I still haven’t lost interest in writing on the blog yet.  It’s been the one thing that has anchored me to my own life for as long as I’ve had the courage to write in the first place.

*       *       *       *       *

If I had to write a two-word or three-word epitaph for myself, “reader” would be one of the words I would choose.

Books are wonderful things, but I know that I use books to avoid facing up to reality at times.  I think Brienne would admit that she does the same thing. 

And based on the lines from “I Am a Rock” quoted at the beginning of this 2 or 3 lines, it would appear that Paul Simon does as well.

Here’s “I Am a Rock”:



Click below to order the song from Amazon:

Friday, June 10, 2016

Paul Anka – "(You're) Having My Baby" (1974)


The seed inside you, baby, 
Do you feel it growing?

It's been a long time since I’ve caught up with fellow blogger extraordinaire, Brienne Walsh Zipperer.

Click here to read Brienne's blog, A Brie Grows in Brooklyn.  (Her father took the words right out of my mouth when he called it "lewd and disturbing.")


I like to refer to Brienne as "The Next Big Thing" because I believe that she is destined to accomplish great things in the world of belles lettres.  

Ever since I made Brienne’s acquaintance a few years ago, I’ve attached myself to her like a suckerfish attaches itself to a great white shark, determined to hang on to her as she rockets to fame and fortune . . . which I see as a foregone conclusion.

Rubirosa Ristorante
I recently sat down with Brienne for pranzo at Rubirosa Ristorante, a charming little family-style restaurant in lower Manhattan.  Here's how our conversation went:

2or3lines:  First things first, Brienne.  You are pregnant with your first child, which is wonderful news for you and your husband Caleb.  You're having a little girl, correct?

Brienne:  Yes, exactly.  I’m actually scared of having a little girl because of how much of my life I’ve spent being ignored by my own mother.  But I’m happy at the same time because I get to dress her in pretty outfits.  Before we found out the gender, I was 100% sure I was having a boy.  So there’s also a part of me that wonders if I’m actually having a transgendered male.


2or3lines:  When is the little bundle of joy due?  From the looks of that belly, I'm guessing pretty soon – hopefully your water won't break before the waiter gets here with our pasta.

Brienne: Is that your oblique, passive-aggressive way of saying I’m fat, Gary? 

2or3lines:  Passive-aggressive?  Me?

Brienne: I’m actually not due until August 26.  I do have a surprisingly large bump.  But my doctor says it’s very healthy, and surprisingly enough, I’ve only gained ten pounds, which is impressive.  Not to mention that a bump is like having a handicapped sticker; in public, it lets you get away with almost anything.

2or3lines:  You've taken your husband's last name and now go by Brienne Walsh Zipperer.  Any particular reason you decided to use your husband's name rather than sticking with your father's name?  I wouldn't think there's any feminist angle to keeping your father's name instead of switching to your husband's -- either way, you've got a guy's last name – but maybe I'm missing something.

Brienne: I actually only changed to my husband’s name on Facebook in a manic fit of excitement after the wedding. Also, I think I was trying to make Caleb’s ex-wife jealous in case she was stalking me? In any case, I’m far too lazy to change my name legally, it involves a lot of paperwork

The happy couple
2or3lines:  All good reasons.  We're eating today at Rubirosa Ristorante on Mulberry Street in lower Manhattan.  I guess they call this neighborhood "NoLita" for "North of Little Italy."  Most of my readers aren't trendy sophisticates like you and I, so maybe you can tell them a little about the history of the neighborhood and what it is like today.

Brienne:  First of all, Little Italy is no longer a real neighborhood – it’s really just a fantasy left over from the 1970s.  When I was younger, my father used to take us there on the weekends because I’m pretty sure he only tastes very salty or very sweet things, and he didn’t mind that the restaurants were all terrible.  My father, unlike us, is not a sophisticate.  True story, I bought my first fake Rolex watch from a little store in Little Italy, which was then about five blocks long and five blocks wide.  Now it consists of two blocks of Mulberry Street, and in the past year, even that tiny stretch has been corrupted with Chinese restaurants.  

2or3lines:  Any special reason you chose this restaurant?  Do you have special memories from a previous visit here?  This isn't where Caleb proposed to you, or where you ate before you went to your prom, is it?  

Brienne: Honestly, I just wanted the cavatelli with sausage and broccoli rabe because every day, I crave carbohydrates like a motherf*cker.


2or3lines:  We walked through SoHo – meaning "South of Houston Street" – before coming to the restaurant.  Let me ask you a question: do you know what direction SoHo is from NoLita?  Or are you like most women, who have no idea which way is north, south, east or west from where they are standing?

Brienne:  Gary, I really do love that you are so openly misogynistic.  Most men are too pussy to admit the same.  To answer your question, SoHo is west of Nolita. 

2or3lines:  I know you and Caleb are hoping to move from your current apartment in Brooklyn and buy a place of your own someday.  Is SoHo a possible destination for you?

Brienne: Yeah, if I write the next Da Vinci Code, or Caleb turns out to be descended from a rich slave trader, and ends up inheriting a dirty $5 million from a distant relative, because that’s about the minimum it would cost to buy a habitable SoHo loft.  So no, there is no way that we will ever move to Soho.  The only people I know who live in SoHo are a friend from Switzerland who invented the software for Google Maps, and Kanye West.  

2or3lines: Kanye West lives close by?  Really?

Brienne:  Yes, and I know which building he lives in.  And yes, I have stood outside that building when I think Kim Kardashian is inside in hopes of catching a glimpse of her gorgeous midget frame.

Kim and Kanye leaving
their SoHo apartment
2or3lines:  I’m stunned that SoHo lofts are so expensive.  But your father would probably just write a check for one if you asked him, wouldn’t he?

Brienne:  My father would literally rather cut off his own arm and have them put it on the menu at this restaurant than do that.  The only present he ever gives me are bags of raw potatoes he buys at his local supermarket – but only when they are on sale for 99 cents.  For him, that’s too good a deal to pass up.  But even though he’s Irish, he can only eat so many potatoes himself, so he gifts the rest to Caleb and me.   

2or3lines: I stopped at a couple of darling little SoHo baby stores on the way to meeting you for lunch today, but I couldn't deal with the ridiculous prices they charged.  So I got you something at Baby Gap instead.  I hope you’re not insulted – I know that you personally wouldn't be caught dead in something from the Gap.

Brienne:  Actually, Gary, the Gap happens to be one of my favorite stores.  I am built like a cardboard shipping box, and the Gap has a lot of designs that fit people with my shape perfectly.


2or3lines: Do you have much experience with babies?  A lot of girls learn about babies by babysitting when they are teenagers -- did you do much babysitting when you were in high school?  I’m assuming that the one-percenters where you grew up all had full-time nannies or au pairs, so maybe there wasn't much demand for teenage babysitters.

Brienne:  I actually have quite a bit of experience with kids.  I have five younger siblings, two of whom were adopted from South Korea when I was 20.  I’m also the oldest of 30 first cousins.  I’m f*cking Irish Catholic, you know. 

2or3lines:  It can't be easy having a newborn in a place like New York.  You've got to drag her and your stroller and everything else up and down the stairs in your building, deal with getting down into the subway and back up to the street when you reach your destination, and so on -- it's not like the suburbs where you can drive everywhere and park right in front of stores.  What do you think is going to be the hardest thing about having a baby?  

Brienne: Having to pay attention to someone beside myself.


2or3lines:  I hear you.  Speaking of the subway, now that you obviously have a bun in the oven, are people on the subway polite and give up a seat for you?

Brienne:  Some people are.  One type of person who does not get up for me are Hasidic Jews.  I don’t want to come off as anti-Semitic by slamming Hasidic Jews, but they might be bigger misogynists than you, Gary.  In any case, it’s actually embarrassing to have people pay attention to me on the subway, and I wish I could go back to being invisible.

2or3lines:  As you’ve said, you're from an Irish-American family.  Any thoughts about getting right back in the saddle and going for Irish twins?  Depending on how long and painful your labor and delivery is, of course, you may not let Caleb close to you for a long time, if ever.

Brienne:  Nah, as an Irish Catholic, I’m going to love the inherent suffering involved in childbirth.  I would definitely do Irish twins. I’m more worried about Caleb’s swimmers than I am my ability to withstand the trauma of childbirth.  He’s 42, and I’m afraid those little f*ckers are not up to the task of getting me pregnant again that quickly. 

You can read the rest of my conversation with Brienne in the next 2or3lines.

* * * * *
“(You’re) Having My Baby” was a number one hit for Canadian singer Paul Anka in 1974.


Anka was given the “Keep Her in Her Place” award by the National Organization for Women that year, and named “Male Chauvinist Pig of the Year” by Ms. magazine.  Given that the song explicitly acknowledges that the mother of the singer’s baby could have chosen to have an abortion, I would have thought NOW and Ms. would have liked the song.

In 2006, those who responded to a CNN.com poll voted “(You’re) Having My Baby” the worst song of all time.  It easily beat out “Muskrat Love” by the Captain and Tennille and Debby Boone’s “You Light Up My Life.”

Here’s “(You’re) Having My Baby”:



Click below to buy the song from Amazon: