Cousin Joe – "Bad Luck Blues" (1947)

If it wasn’t for bad luck

I wouldn’t have no luck at all

Sometimes I feel like “Born Under a Bad Sign” was written about yours truly.  But I have to admit that Alice Roth was a lot unluckier than me.

On August 17, 1957, the Philadelphia Phillies were hosting the New York Giants at Connie Mack Stadium.  There were 7929 fans in attendance, including Alice Roth – who was the wife of the sports editor of the Philadelphia Bulletin – and her two grandsons. 

Richie Ashburn, who played center field and led off for the Phillies that day, was known for his ability to spoil good pitches by fouling them off.  One of the balls he fouled off in that 1957 Phillies-Giants contest hit poor Alice Roth in the face, breaking her nose.

A 1959 Topps Richie Ashburn card

The game was halted briefly while the unlucky fan was administered first aid and put on a stretcher.

Ashburn fouled off the next pitch as well, and that foul ball struck the hapless Mrs. Roth as she was being carried out the stadium, breaking a bone in her leg.

(Cue the lines from "Bad Luck Blues" quoted above.)

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Ashburn visited Alice Roth in the hospital several times before she was discharged.  Her grandsons, who had to leave the game when she was injured, were given free tickets to another Phillies game later that season.  (They watched batting practice from the Phillies dugout that day, and the whole team autographed baseballs for them.)

Ashburn sent Roth birthday and Christmas cards every year for the rest of her life.  

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The Phillies made it to the World Series in Ashburn’s third season with the team, but were also-rans during the remainder of his tenure in Philadelphia.  (The team finished a respectable 5th the year when Ashburn broke Alice Roth’s nose, but fell to last place the following year and stayed there for four consecutive seasons.)  

Ashburn was voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame two years before he died in 1997.  He wasn’t a power hitter – he had only 29 home runs in his 15-year career – but he excelled at getting on base.  

Ashburn’s career on-base percentage was an outstanding .396 – better than the career marks of his contemporaries Hank Aaron, Willie Mays, Roberto Clemente, and Duke Snider.  He led the National League in hits three times and in walks four times.

And he was an outstanding outfielder, leading the senior circuit in putouts nine years in a row.

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The first song to include the lyrics that are quoted at the beginning of this post was “Bad Luck Blues,” which was originally recorded in 1947 by New Orleans blues and jazz singer Cousin Joe.

Those lines also appear in “Born Under a Bad Sign,” a William Bell-Booker T. Jones song that was originally recorded by Albert King in 1967 and then covered by Cream the next year.

Click here to listen to Cousin Joe’s recording of “Bad Luck Blues.”

Albert King – "Born Under a Bad Sign" (1967)

Born under a bad sign

Been down since I began to crawl

You think you had a bad day?  Wait until you hear about my day . . .

This morning, I got up early and made my weekly pilgrimage to the local farmers’ market.  (So far, so good.)

When I returned to the 2 or 3 Lines World Headquarters Building, I parked on the second level of the parking garage and took the elevator to our 16th-floor C-suite offices.

But moments after I got there, I realized that I had left my cell phone in my car.

So it was back to the elevator for a ride back down to the parking garage.

Once I got there, I remembered that I had left my car key back in the office – so it was back to the elevator for another ride up to the 16th floor.

*     *     *     *     *

I got my car key, rode the elevator back down to the second floor, and retrieved my phone.

As I was walking back to the elevator for the ride back up to my office, it hit me that I had forgotten to go feed the family cat – which I had intended to do on my way back from the farmers’ market.  (The cat is temporarily under my care while the person with whom I formerly shared living quarters is on vacation.)  

I got in the car and started the engine, but then I remembered that I hadn’t locked my office door.  (When I left my office, I thought I was just going to make a quick trip down to my car to grab my phone and then immediately head back up – so I didn’t lock the door.)   

That meant it was back to the elevator for a ride up to 16 to lock my door, followed by a ride back down to the parking garage, followed by the short drive to my former home to check up on my cat.

Who had pooped upstairs and thrown up downstairs.   

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“Born Under a Bad Sign” was originally recorded by Albert King in 1967 and then covered by Cream the next year.

Click here to listen to Albert King’s recording of “Born Under a Bad Sign.”

Click here to buy that recording from Amazon.

Groucho Marx – "I'm Against It" (1932)

Your proposition may be good

But let’s have one thing understood:

Whatever it is, I'm against it!

The Washington Post recently reported that the Trump Administration is using tariffs in hopes of achieving an array of national security goals.

The primary goal of this strategy seems to be to limit China’s strategic influence throughout the world.  But China is not the administration’s only target.    

For example, Trump has threatened to impose a 50 percent tariff on imports from India because that country is supporting Russia’s war against Ukraine by buying two million barrels of oil a day from Russia.  (Before Russia invaded Ukraine, India purchased a negligible amount of oil from Russia.  But since the invasion of Ukraine, Russia has become India’s largest source of oil.)

The use of tariff threats as a diplomatic tool “sent shock waves” through the State Department, according to one anonymous source.  “This isn’t normally how it works.”

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Many of you reading this post will immediately decide that the new tariff strategy is a terrible idea simply because it came from Trump, while many others will immediately decide that it’s a great idea simply because it came from Trump. 

I’m keeping an open mind on this issue for the time being.  Until I know more about the pros and cons of this strategy, I’m not ready to take a position supporting or opposing it.

But I am ready to take the position that “This isn’t normally how it works” is NOT a good reason for opposing that strategy.

In fact, “This isn’t normally how it works” may be the WORST possible reason for opposing an idea.

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“I’m Against It” was featured in a 2 or 3 lines post a couple of years ago, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I feature it again – it’s so apropos with regards to so many situations.

Click here to watch Groucho Marx singing “I’m Against It” in the 1932 movie, Horse Feathers.

Click here to buy the movie from Amazon.

Faith No More – "Falling to Pieces" (1989)

Anticipating the end

Losing the will to fight

Droplets of "yes" and "no" 

In an ocean of "maybe"

2 or 3 lines lives in an ocean of “yes” and “no” – not in an ocean of “maybe”!

To wit:

Here’s a screenshot of a text message I recently received from my cellular carrier:

And here’s my response:

When I hear back from them, I’ll quote paragraph #1 from my terms and conditions, which reads as follows:

The party of the first part [that’s me] will not be bound by any updated terms and conditions that the party of the second part [that’s T-Mobile] purports to unilaterally impose by sending text messages to the party of the first part [that’s me again].

That’ll teach ‘em!

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That was not the first run-in with an evil corporate behemoth that I had this week.

Shortly before drafting that electronic missive to T-Mobile, I had a rather difficult experience at my local Marathon gas station.

You can read all about it in the next 2 or 3 lines.

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I bought The Real Thing, which Faith No More released in 1989, at a used record store in Philadelphia.  

I commuted to a job in the “City of Brotherly Love” – a three-hour drive from my family’s home in the Washington, DC suburbs – for a couple of years in the early 1990s.  I spent four nights a week there with very little to do other than watch TV, read, write, and listen to CDs.  (That was back in the Dark Ages, boys and girls – by which I mean before the internet and smart phones.)

I bought a lot of CDs at that used record store.  Unlike used LPs, used CDs sounded just as good as brand new ones.  So I loaded up on Faith No More, Metallica, Soundgarden, Alice In Chains, Pearl Jam, and a number of others.

The Real Thing is a great album – “Epic” is one of my favorite songs of all time, but it’s not the only winner included on The Real Thing.

“Falling to Pieces” is one of those winners, but I had forgotten about it until I heard a snippet of it on the soundtrack of Black Hawk Down, a 2001 movie about the 1993 battle between U.S. Army Rangers and Delta Force operators and Somali militia in Mogadishu, Somalia.  

Click here to watch a video featuring scenes from the movie – one of most harrowing movies I’ve ever sat through – accompanied by “Falling to Pieces.”

Click here to buy “Falling to Pieces” from Amazon.

Killers – "Mr. Brightside" (2003)

Now they’re goin’ to bed

And my stomach is sick

And it’s all in my head

Unless you spent July in a coma, I’m sure you’ve heard about the married CEO of a Massachusetts tech company who took his company’s HR director to a Coldplay concert and got caught canoodling with her on the stadium “kiss cam.”

You do know that “to canoodle” means “to engage in amorous embracing, caressing, and kissing,” don’t you?  I find it very interesting that almost every news account about the incident that I’ve read uses “canoodling” to describe what the naughty couple were up to when the “kiss cam” outed them.

Oops!

By the way, no one knows for sure where the word “canoodle” – which first appeared in print in 1859 – came from.

Likewise, no one knows for sure how much the CEO’s little indiscretion is going to cost him.  But his net worth is estimated at between $50 million and $70 million, and Massachusetts law provides for a 50-50 split in most divorces.  So he will likely have to sign over tens of millions of dollars to his wife.

That’s some pretty expensive canoodling – I hope it was worth it.

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Speaking of losing tens of millions of dollars . . .

A few days after the Coldplay kiss cam story broke, CBS announced that it had decided to cancel Stephen Colbert’s Late Show.  The show was apparently losing something on the order of $40 million annually, so the decision comes as no great surprise.    

Some wag tweeted this after the CBS decision became public:

When Stephen Colbert goes off the air, what will husbands who are staying up late waiting for their wife to get home safely from her boyfriend’s house watch?

One of the comments posted in response to that tweet worked the Coldplay incident into the conversation:

“Honey, just got home from the Coldplay concert.  Is Colbert over yet?”

Several other commenters offered smart-ass suggestions concerning shows that Colbert fans could watch once the Late Show was off the air.  Here’s one:

They can watch PBS . . . oh wait!

Another suggestion alluded to the relative maturity of the Late Show audience:

Reruns of “Murder She Wrote” and “Golden Girls.”

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Click here to watch the “Mr. Brightside” official music video.  The director got the idea for that video after dropping acid and watching the 2001 Moulin Rouge film.  (JUST KIDDING, Sophie Muller – DON’T SUE ME!)

The video depicts a love triangle involving characters portrayed by Brandon Flowers, Eric Roberts, and Izabella Miko.

Flowers is the lead singer and primary songwriter of the Killers.

Roberts has appeared in dozens of movies and a number of TV series but   is best known for being the older brother of Julia Roberts.

Miko is a Polish actress and dancer whose career peaked when she appeared in the 2000 movie, Coyote Ugly.  Click here if you’d like to buy one of her sustainable “EkoMiko” candles.

Click here to buy “Mr. Brightside” from Amazon.