Linda Lindas – "Ooh!" (2021)

But when I don’t speak up

There's nothing but regret

Many people read 2 or 3 lines because they know I’ll introduce them to great records that they otherwise would never have known about.

But 2 or 3 lines is also the place to go to get the scoop on great television series, movies, and books – not to mention an excellent source of dating tips

I watched a lot of other very good TV series this year.  Here are a few of my favorites:

The Crown (6 seasons)

Season 6 of The Crown – which was released only weeks ago – picks up after the divorce of Prince Charles and Princess Diana.  Its focus is relationships – especially the relationships between Diana and Dodi Fayed, Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles, and Prince William and Kate Middleton.

In other words, it’s a show intended for women – not manly men like yours truly.  But I watched it anyway, and I’m glad I did.  

Elizabeth Debicki as Princess Diana

There is one thing you should know about The Crown.  It ain’t no documentary – don’t assume that all that stuff actually happened. 

An Ordinary Woman (2 seasons)   

The Russian series An Ordinary Woman is often compared to Breaking Bad because the protagonist is an ordinary person who turns to crime when she finds herself in a difficult situation due to no fault of her own.

But An Ordinary Woman reminds me more of Ozark.  Like Ozark’s Marty Byrde, An Ordinary Woman’s Marina Lavrova has to deal with one crisis after another.  It’s like Whac-A-Mole – as soon as Marina whacks one criminal hoodlum or corrupt policeman or screwed-up family member, another one pops up to torment her.

The first episode kicks off with the pregnant 39-year-old Marina being told that her baby has a serious birth defect and may not survive his birth.  (It turns out the doctor was wrong, but Marina doesn’t find that out for a long time.)  

Anna Mikhalkova as Marina Lavrova

Shortly thereafter, she has to dispose of the dead body of one of the prostitutes who work for her.  (The prostitute has been murdered in a hotel room by some Russian mafia dudes who are trying to blackmail a high-ranking government official.)  She stuffs the corpse into a mattress, gets the mattress out of the hotel room and ties it on top of her SUV, and then drives way out in the woods – where she buries it.  Naturally, the body-stuffed mattress is quickly discovered and the police start asking questions – which necessitates the car being crushed, burned, and buried.

Marina runs a flower shop as a cover for her sex-worker business, but learns that her wholesale suppliers are using her flowers to smuggle drugs.  Eventually she manages to invite the heads of the two rival crime gangs who are squeezing her to show up at the flower shop at the same time.  The gang members promptly pull out their guns and shoot each other full of holes, which solves that problem.

To add insult to injury, Marina finds out that her husband – who seems to be the only competent surgeon in Russia – has knocked up one of his nurses.  She promises him she will take a morning-after pill, but then decides to keep the baby.  

I could go on, but you get the picture.  Despite all her problems, Marina keeps her sh*t together.  Either she’s very, very cool, or she is too dumb to realize just how hopeless her situation is.  I think it’s the former, but I’m not sure it matters – it’s only a matter of time until the plates she is trying to keep spinning come crashing down and shatter into a million pieces. 

The Killing (3 seasons)

The Killing is a legendary Danish crime series that I’ve wanted to watch for years.  I saw the American version of the show several years ago – which is quite good – but I couldn’t find the even better Danish original until recently.

The best thing about the Danish version is Sofie Gråbøl, the actress who plays the main character, Detective Sarah Lund.  (When you’re trying to figure out why 2 or 3 lines loves a TV series, I recommend that you cherchez la femme.) 

Sofie Gråbøl as Sarah Lund

The sweaters that Gråbøl wore while solving crimes on The Killing got a lot of attention.  From a review of the show in The Guardian:

It was Gråbøl who decided upon Lund’s attire: “We had a costume meeting and I saw that sweater and thought: ‘That's it!’,” she says, despite the jumper being decidedly unpolice-like.  “The reason it’s so perfect is because it tells so many stories.  It tells of a person who doesn’t use her sexuality – that's a big point. . . .”

The Killing is currently available for streaming on Topic, which airs a number of foreign crime series.  Topic’s blog picks up on the Guardian’s point about Lund’s wardrobe:

Subverting the male gaze is not new, but choosing to do so with a chunky sweater is a brilliant move that makes Lund nuanced beyond gender expectations. 

I’ve got news for the writer of that article.  It takes a lot more than a chunky sweater to subvert this male’s gaze.

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In the next 2 or 3 lines, I’ll tell about you the best TV series I watched in 2023.

No, I’m not talking about The Golden Bachelor – although I did find that show absolutely riveting.  (I also found it absolutely maddening and absolutely phony, but no one’s perfect!)

And I’m not talking about Big Mouth, which Rolling Stone has called “the most hilariously gross show on TV.”  (Forget Beavis and Butthead.  Forget South Park.  Big Mouth is waaaay more disgusting than anything else that’s ever been on TV – you wouldn’t think it would be legal to make a show this dirty about middle schoolers, but apparently it is if it’s a cartoon.)

And I’m certainly not talking about Sex Education or Ted Lasso, which are extremely lame shows.  (I don’t get why the critics love them so much.  Sex Education is so politically correct that it makes teenage sex boring, which is pretty hard to do.  And although Jason Sudeikis’s title character was an annoying sap from the very first episode of Ted Lasso, many of that show’s villains were entertaining at first – but all of them quickly evolved into really nice people, which ruined the show.)

See you in 2024, boys and girls.

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The members of the all-girl Linda Lindas were 16, 14, 13, and 10 years old, respectively, when they released “Oh!” in 2021.  

I’m pretty sure that makes them the youngest group ever featured on 2 or 3 lines.

Click here to listen to “Oh!”

Click here to buy the record from Amazon.

George Frideric Handel – "He shall feed his flock like a shepherd" (1741)

Come unto him, all ye that labor

Come unto him, ye that are heavy laden

And he will give you rest

I became very well-acquainted with George Frideric Handel’s Messiah when I was in high school.

George Frideric Handel

I was a bass-baritone in our chorus, which performed a number of choral movements at one time or another – “And the glory of the Lord” and “For unto us a child is born” were two of my favorites.  (Most people are obsessed with the “Hallelujah” chorus, but “And the glory of the Lord” is just as stirring.)

And I accompanied a number of singers who performed the solo movements – the greatest of which is “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd.”

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I haven’t tried to count how many live performances of the Messiah take place in the Washington, DC area every December, but I’m guessing there are dozens.  

Somehow I went decades without attending one of them.  But earlier this month, I remedied that oversight by attending a performance of Handel’s most famous work at the National Presbyterian Church.  

The orchestra, chorus, and soloists at that performance were first rate, and the performance was free – although they did twist your arm to make a donation.  (I dropped a crisp new five-dollar bill into the offering plate – I’m nothing if not generous in my contributions to worthy causes.)

By contrast, tickets to the Messiah performances at the Kennedy Center ran you as much as $99.   

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“He shall feed his flock like a shepherd” is roughly five and a half minutes of profoundly sublime music.  It is intense and thrilling, but at the same time it instills a profound sense of calm and inner peace in the listener.  

I think the secret to this movement is its tempo.  You can’t hurry “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd” – you need to take a deep breath and wait for your heart rate to slow down before performing it.

Click here to watch the Academy of Ancient Music’s 2022 performance of “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd” at the Chapel of Trinity College, Cambridge.  (Katie Jefferies-Harris is the alto soloist, and Eleonore Cockerham is the soprano.)

Click here to listen to the entire performance.  

Portishead – "Glory Box" (1995)

Through this new frame of mind

A thousand flowers could bloom

If I do say so myself, I crushed Christmas this year.

I did my shopping early – and I got everyone on my list real gifts.  (No one is getting cash, or a check, or a gift card.)

I studied a couple of online videos about gift-wrapping techniques before getting to work with wrapping paper, scissors, and tape.

And I wrapped everything all by myself!  (I delegate a lot of tasks to 2 or 3 lines staff members, but I did all my gift-wrapping personally.)

That's what 27 beautifully wrapped
Christmas presents looks like!

All kidding aside, I am very pleased with how I handled Christmas this year.  I got started early and didn’t cut any corners – and that hasn’t always been the case in the past.

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“Let a hundred flowers bloom,” Mao Zedong declared in a 1957 speech.  “Let a hundred schools of thought contend.” 

The so-called “Hundred Flowers Movement” invited criticism of the Chinese bureaucracy.  But when government offices were flooded with critical letters, Mao realized that his movement had gotten out of control.

The “fragrant flowers” were being overwhelmed by “poisonous weeds,” Mao announced.  Thousands and thousands of critics of Mao’s regime were rounded up and shipped off for execution or re-education.

Mao Zedong

I guess that whoever penned the “Glory Box” lyrics quoted above decided that a hundred flowers were good, a thousand flowers were better.  Mao would probably have disagreed.

I’ve been a fan of Portishead since my hot (age-adjusted) French ex-girlfriend introduced me to their music years ago.  But I’ve never featured one of their records on 2 or 3 lines.

Better late than never!

Click here to listen to “Glory Box,” which was released in 1995 on Portishead’s debut album, Dummy.  (I don’t know what’s going on in the music video, but I do know that lead singer Beth Gibbons is m-o-n-e-y!)

 

Click here to buy the record from Amazon.

Third Bardo – "Five Years Ahead of My Time" (1967)

I'm through caring about their right or wrong

I've unlocked the door to life's mystery

Look into my mind

Look ahead, don't look behind

I’m five years ahead of my time!

“Hold on just a cotton-pickin’ minute,” I hear you saying to yourself.  “Isn’t today’s featured record the exact same one that was featured in the previous 2 or 3 lines?” 

Indeed it is – and that is no mistake.  (If you somehow missed that post, just scroll down a ways and you can read it.)

You see, I’m still agog from my recent encounter with “Five Years Ahead of My Time,” the absolutely fabulous psychedelic single recorded by the Third Bardo in 1967.  

In fact, I’m so discombobulated that I didn’t begin this post by quoting two or three lines from this record’s lyrics as is my wont.  Instead, I quoted two plus three lines!

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I may never get over this record.  For your sake, I hope I do – otherwise you may be in for dozens of posts about “Five Years Ahead of My Time.”

Which would probably drive away the few remaining 2 or 3 lines readers who haven’t already been driven away by my narcissism, misogyny, and other alleged sins.

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Click here to listen to “Five Years Ahead of My Time.”

Click here to buy the record from Amazon.