Glen Campbell – "Dreams of the Everyday Housewife" (1968)

Such are the dreams of the everyday housewife

You see everywhere any time of the day

Since I retired a year and a half ago, a lot of people have asked me, “What is retirement like?”

The answer to that question suddenly hit me today.  Once I tell you what my typical day as a retired guy is like, the answer will probably hit you, too. 

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The first thing I do most days – after performing my morning ablutions and (if necessary) putting the laundry in the washing machine – is visit my mother, who has resided in a nearby assisted-living place for almost three years now.

I drag her to the morning exercise classes, empty the junk mail out of her mailbox, and make sure she has all the supplies she needs (toilet paper, shampoo, etc.).

Next, I run errands – I go to the local community center to work out, hit the grocery store, maybe go to the bank or post office, and so on. 

My first task upon returning home is to take the dog for a long walk.  (Sometimes I stop at my daughter’s house – which is halfway between my house and my mother’s place – and give her dog some attention as well.)

By then, it’s time for lunch.  (If I didn’t hit the salad bar at the grocery store, I’ll make a sandwich.)

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I usually watch TV while I eat lunch.  (When I say I watch TV, I mean I watch an episode of a cable-TV series on DVD – The Crown, Game of Thrones, Orange Is the New Black, The Affair, Big Little Lies, or whatever.)  If I’m feeling sleepy when the show is over, I’ll take a little nap on the sofa.  

Recently I’ve tried to spend an hour or so every afternoon doing some “Swedish death cleaning” – going through my clothes, books, and other possessions and deciding what I can sell, what I should give away, and what I should toss.

Most weekdays, I pick up my grandsons Jack and Hunter at day care and take them home.  After that, it’s time to make dinner, followed by a little reading and some more TV. 

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So have you figured out the answer to the question, “What is retirement like?”

It’s obvious, isn’t it?  RETIREMENT IS LIKE BEING A HOUSEWIFE!

(Excuse me, but the buzzer on the clothes dryer just went off – I need to fold the laundry before it gets wrinkled.)

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“Dreams of the Everyday Housewife” was the first single from Glen Campbell’s 1968 album, Wichita Lineman.  

It peaked at #32 on the Billboard “Hot 100,” but went all the way to #3 on the “Hot Country Songs” chart.

Click here to watch the final few minutes of a 1969 episode of Petticoat Junction titled “Ballad of the Everyday Housewife.”  In that episode, the Steve Elliott character (played by Mike Minor) sings today’s featured song to his TV wife, the former Betty Jo Bradley.  (Betty Jo was portrayed by Linda Kaye Henning – the daughter of Paul Henning, who produced not only Petticoat Junction but also The Beverly Hillbillies and Green Acres).

By the way, Minor had married Henning in real life just a few months before that episode aired.  (They got divorced five years later.)

Click here to hear Glen Campbell’s version of “Dreams of the Everyday Housewife.”

Click on the link below to buy the song from Amazon: