Nicki Minaj – "Stupid Hoe" (2011)

I’m Angelina, you Jennifer

Come on, bitch, you see where Brad at?

When Nicki Minaj released “Stupid Hoe” in 2011, Angelina (Jolie) was where Brad (Pitt) was at – and vice versa.

So why did Angelina file for divorce from Brad a few days ago, citing “irreconcilable differences”?

Some people believe that Angelina decided to lawyer up and dump Brad’s ass when he got into a nasty argument with their 15-year-old son, Maddox, on a recent flight from Paris to Los Angeles.  (The Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services is reportedly investigating whether Brad’s behavior constituted child abuse.)

"Brangelina" and children

Another theory is that Angelina took exception to Brad’s behind-the-scenes canoodling with French hottie Marion Cotillard, who is his co-star in the forthcoming movie Allied.  

Us Weekly believes that Angelina and Brad clashed over her desire to move from their $60 million French chateau to London so Angelina could pursue her political ambitions.

Whatever triggered Angelina’s action, I can almost guarantee you that Brad is relieved that Brangelina is no more.

Let me explain why I say that.

Mr. and Mrs. Donald Trump with
Mr. and Mrs. Howard Stern

Years ago, I remember hearing Howard Stern interview Donald Trump about his breakup with his first wife, Ivana.  

Ivans had a noticeable eastern European accent, and Stern speculated that Trump thought that accent was charming and sexy at first, but later found it off-putting.  

Stern’s point was an astute one – an idiosyncrasy that is initially attractive can eventually become annoying.

I'm guessing that Trump’s second wife, Marla Maples, attracted him in part because she was the polar opposite of the exotic Ivana, a fashion model who had grown up in Czechoslovakia (hence the accent).  Marla was an all-American girl-next-door type who grew up in a small city in Georgia; she was the homecoming queen of her high school.  

Eventually, Trump ditched Marla and married Melania, another fashion model with an eastern European accent.

Jennifer and Brad

Brad Pitt travelled the same road as Trump, but in the other direction.  He started with Jennifer Aniston, a girl-next-door type, then moved on to the exotic and complicated Angelina Jolie.  Now that Brangelina is splitsville, I’m betting that Brad will hook up with a nice, simple, all-American type.

The grass is always greener, they say.  If a man is hanging with a Jennifer or a Marla, he’s probably going to decide eventually that she’s a little bland and that something spicier would be more to his liking. 

But if he partners up with an exotic, high-maintenance type like Ivana or Angelina, sooner or later he’ll decide that a nice, simple grilled-cheese sandwich would really hit the spot.

I have to think that one of the things that rubbed Brad wrong was Angelina’s predilection for sticking her nose into political issues.  (Her current cause du jour is the Syrian refugee crisis.)  

The Special Envoy of the High Commissioner
for Refugees addresses the United Nations

Like other entertainment-industry know-it-alls — think Sean Penn, George Clooney, Ashley Judd, and Susan Sarandon (just to name a few) – Angelina has strong political views, and loves to tell world leaders how to do their jobs. (There’s certainly no doubt that the world's leaders are making a hash of things, but I’m not sure that the best people to turn to for solutions are movie stars.)

Some say that Angelina is angling for a seat in the British House of Lords.  Given that she was born in Los Angeles — her father is actor Jon Voight — you might ask yourself how in the world she could expect to get into the House of Lords.  

From Fusion.com:

How could Angelina Jolie, random American, get such a prime gig in one of Britain’s most revered bodies?  The short answer is that members of the House of Lords are appointed, not elected, to their seats, so if some prime minister wanted her there, it could happen. . . .

There are a few requirements Jolie would have to meet – she’d have to get British citizenship and pay taxes in the U.K., for instance – but, call me crazy, I think the Brits would be cool with letting her in.  A 2011 Census estimate found that there were 15 times as many members of the Lords who were over 90 than under 40, so she’d bring the average age down about by decades just be walking through the door.  Then she could don her special House of Lords ermine fur robes, collect her £300-a-day fee, and have a party!

(I’m pretty sure that Angelina would be the first member of the House of Lords to have a Buddhist prayer and the geographical coordinates of the birthplaces of her six children – three biological, three adopted – tattooed on her bod.  But if the Queen and the Prime Minister are cool with that, so am I.)

"Do I look smarter in these glasses?"

At first, Brad probably got a big kick out of doing political stuff with Angelina.

People often assume that really good-looking guys are dummies, and I’m guessing Brad enjoyed the opportunity to rub elbows with politicians and diplomats and journalists, most of whom pretended to take his opinions very seriously . . . not because they thought he know anything, but because he’s freakin’ Brad Pitt.

But I’m guessing that sh*t got pretty old.

I predict that Brad will be spending less time visiting refugee camps and more time at the Playboy Mansion in the next few years.

*     *     *     *     *

Speaking of high-maintenance chicks, let me introduce you to Nicki Minaj, who recorded today’s featured song in 2011.  

The “Stupid Hoe” video was directed by Hype Williams, the genius who directed Kanye West’s “All of the Lights” video.

Here’s “Stupid Hoe”:

Click below to buy the song from Amazon: