Queen – "Fat Bottomed Girls" (1978)

Fat bottomed girls,

You make the rockin' world go round

It’s your lucky day, boys and girls.  We’re finally looking at February in the rearview mirror, which means March has arrived.  And March is a great month for fans of 2 or 3 lines – yes, that means you, and you, and especially you!  

February’s “29 Songs in 29 Days” were chosen well in advance, so all the ideas for posts that popped into my head in February had to wait until that month was over to come to fruition.  That meant that by the time March 1 rolled around, my brain was so full of ideas for posts that it had swelled up like a tick that’s found its way into one of your nooks and crannies and sucked blood for a few days.

Remember Kirstie Alley, the comedienne who starred in the popular TV series, Cheers, and those fabulous Look Who’s Talking movies? 

A very young Kirstie Alley

Back in the day, I had a bit of a crush on Kirstie.  But once she turned 50, Kirstie started packing on the pounds.  By 2004, she weighed 220.

Kirstie became a spokesperson for the Jenny Craig, and lost 75 pounds by 2007.

But after her Jenny Craig spokespersonship ended, she gained all that weight back — and then some.  She topped out at 230 pounds in 2009.

Kirstie then started a company that sold organic weight-loss products, and shed a hundred pounds by using those products.  

Or so she said.  A class-action lawsuit – which she eventually settled – claimed that she lost most of that weight through exercise.  

Kirstie’s weight ballooned again after her appearance on “Dancing With the Stars,” and she went back on the Jenny Craig program in 2014.  In less than a year on that regimen, she lost 50 pounds and went from a size 12 to 14 to a size 6 to 8.  

Earlier this year, the (temporarily?) svelte Ms. Alley shot off her mouth to the Huffington Post in a story titled “Kirstie Alley Has A Brutally Honest Message For Middle-Aged Men”:

Kirstie Alley has been flaunting her dramatic 50-pound weight loss for over a year and it seems she might be ready to get back into the dating game. Just one problem – she's not impressed by her selection of men.

The 64-year-old actress recently told Entertainment Tonight about her dating dilemma as a woman over 50.  "I wanted to say something to men over 45.  Don't be so freaking boring!" Alley said.  "Don't have the life already sucked out of you."

Kirstie Alley today

They might seem like harsh words, but it seems Alley really would like to avoid dating much younger men.

"All it does is leave women to date young men and be really embarrassed, because we are dating guys in tank tops," Alley continued. "I want some men around my age that aren't boring, and act like they aren’t tired."

Alley announced her major weight loss just one year ago and announced back then that she was ready to "hook up," admitting she did some dating but hasn't met the one just yet.  We think Alley looks fabulous and that her perfect match is out there somewhere.

If middle-aged men have the life sucked out of them, it’s because they have to work at stupid, boring jobs.  Kirstie doesn’t have a clue how hard it is to earn an honest living – the hardest work she's had to do over the last 20 years was to sign the residual checks she collected for appearing in Cheers.

I’m not one of these guys who turns my nose up at women who are carrying around some extra weight.  (I can show you photos of some of the women I’ve dated if you don’t believe me.)

But I’d be hesitant to get involved with a yo-yo dieter like Kirstie Alley.  I can imagine picking her up for a date one night and finding out that she had put on 50 pounds since you dropped her off after your previous date.

Wake up and smell the cat food, Kirstie.  The numbers are not good for women your age.  At ages 50-54, there are equal numbers of single men and single women.  At ages 60-64, there are over twice as many single women as single men.  And by ages 70-74, the ratio is four to one.   Don’t forget – a lot of those guys are only interested in dating younger women.

It's a good thing Kirstie isn't interested in dating guys who are 20 years younger than she is.  Because that's only going to happen IN HER DREAMS.

Queen recorded “Fat Bottomed Girls” in 1978 – well before Kirstie Alley started eating everything in sight.  It's a politically incorrect song, and it's a bad song to boot . . . which should come as no surprise given that Queen may be responsible for more bad songs than any other rock group ever.  (It will be a cold day in hell before 2 or 3 lines features another Queen song.)

Here’s “Fat Bottomed Girls”:

Click below to buy the song from Amazon: