Eve 6 -- "Inside Out" (1998)

Want to put my tender

Heart in a blender,

Watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion

My, my -- if the singer of this song isn't a drama queen, you can slap my ass and call me Sally. 

There are a lot of over-the-top lines in this song.  Waaaaaaay over the top.

Eve 6 lead singer Max Collins,
who wrote "Inside Out"

To wit:

I would swallow my pride

I would choke on the rinds

But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside

Swallow my doubt

Turn it inside out

Find nothing but faith in nothing.

And:

I burn, burn like a wicker cabinet

Chalk white and oh-so-frail

I see our time has gotten stale

The tick-tock of the clock is painful

All sane and logical

I want to tear it off the wall

I save the best one for last:

Or am I origami

Folded up and just pretend

Demented as the motives in your head?

("Or am I origami"?  Wow.)

I heard "Inside Out" while I was chowing down after a bike ride at my favorite Cape Cod burrito-and-fish-taco joint, Guapo's, which is just off the Cape Cod Rail Trail in Brewster, MA.

Best damn burrito on Cape Cod

There's another line in the song -- "Tie me to the bedpost" -- which immediately brought to mind a couple of scenes in the 2005 movie, Wedding Crashers.  A couple of my kids had been watching it on TV a few nights before, and I sat down with them and caught a few minutes.

That was long enough for me to remember just how awful this movie is.  It stars two extremely unfunny actors, Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, and has a cameo by the remarkably unfunny Will Ferrell.  (The only think that keeps this movie from being the unfunniest "comedy" ever is the absence of that modern-day master of unfunny, Steve Carell.)

Wilson and Vaughn as the wedding crashers

Wilson and Vaughn play a couple of scoundrels who crash fancy wedding receptions in the hopes of getting lucky with single women they meet there.  (Their high moral and ethical standards don't allow them to have sex with married women.)  Since they always lie about their identities, they can just walk away from their one-night stands -- no fuss, no muss!

At the reception that follows the wedding of a daughter of the Secretary of the Treasury, they set their sights on the bride's two sisters, who are portrayed by Rachel McAdams and Isla Fisher. 

Fisher and McAdams as the wedding crashees

Here's an excerpted version of the Wikipedia plot summary of the movie, which is quite accurate -- and quite damning:

Jeremy (Vaughn) ends up having sex with Gloria (Isla Fisher) on a nearby beach while the reception is taking place.  Gloria is possessive and quickly becomes obsessed with Jeremy.  She claims to have been a virgin until the encounter, which shocks Jeremy, and he tries to get John (Wilson) to bail on the reception with him.

Meanwhile, John is attempting to court Claire (Rachel McAdams), the maid of honor, but he is interrupted by her hotheaded boyfriend, Sack Lodge (Bradley Cooper), who later . . . is shown to openly mock and cheat on her behind her back. . . . [L]ater that evening, Gloria gives Jeremy a hand job under the dinner table, while John spikes Sack's wine with eye-drops.  Sack becomes sick, which lets John further connect with Claire, and they agree to go for a walk together following dinner.  

John goes to his room to change his shoes, but Claire's mother (Jane Seymour), makes John fondle her surgically enhanced breasts, then rebuffs his actions, much to John's confusion.  

Jane Seymour gives Owen Wilson an eyeful

Later that night, Gloria ties up Jeremy and proceeds to rape him, thinking she is being "adventurous" and is fulfilling fantasies.  That same night, Gloria's gay brother paints a provocative image of Jeremy and tries to seduce him, but is interrupted by his father. 

Someone should have tied the scriptwriter's hands to the bedpost -- then he wouldn't have been able to type, and the world would have been spared "Wedding Crashers."

It may be necessary to create a government agency to prevent crap like "Wedding Crashers" from being made.  I'm usually a free-market kind of guy, but the invisible hand sure as hell isn't working here because this movie grossed $285 MILLION.  (If that's not indisputable proof of market failure, I don't know what is.)

Speaking of weddings: I've mentioned that one of my daughters is getting married at our Cape Cod house next fall.  While I was there on vacation last month, I stumbled across a wedding at the Dennis Union Church, which is just a mile from our house:

The ceremony took place in the bandstand that's on the grounds of the church:

Here's the happy couple moments after "I do":

"Inside Out" was the first single from Eve 6's eponymous debut album, which  was released in 1998.  It made it all the way to #1 on Billboard's alternative rock chart.

Eve 6 -- then known as "Eleventeen" -- signed a record contract with RCA when they were still in high school.  The band's name is a reference to an X-Files episode about genetically engineered females called "Eves."  Eve #6 made a remark about biting a guy's eyeball, and the band's drummer thought that was so cool that he suggested the band rename themselves Eve 6.

Here's "Inside Out":

Click here to buy the song from Amazon: