Friday, July 18, 2014

Fountains of Wayne -- "Stacy's Mom" (2003)

And I know that you think it's just a fantasy
But since your dad walked out
Your mom could use a guy like me

The novelist Saul Bellow wrote, "You can spend the entire second half of your life recovering from the mistakes of the first half."

That's not a strategy that works for me.  For one thing, I don't have half a life left.  And even if I did have half a life left, it wouldn't be enough time to correct all my mistakes.

To wit, the three recent two 2 or 3 lines posts -- which ran the gamut all the way from awful to awful to awful.

The third-most recent 2 or 3 lines was a tasteless throwaway post about M.I.L.F.s.  Any random 16-year-old high-school dropout could have written something more worthy.  

Let me correct that statement.  I should have said that any random 16-year-old high-school dropout who had just sucked down a six-pack could have written something more worthy.

The penultimate 2 or 3 lines was a tiresome screed on the Supreme Court's recent Hobby Lobby decision.  If its goal was to provide a first-rate example of polemics and pedantry, it was a huge success.  Otherwise, it kind of sucked.  (Unfortunately, my employee health insurance plan doesn't include morning-after pills for bad ideas.)

And the most recent 2 or 3 lines was an egregious example of what the kids call TMI -- "too much information" -- about my ongoing digestive challenges.  We shall never speak of it again.

But what's past is past.  In the words of Omar Khayyam,

The Moving Finger writes; and having writ,
Moves on

I figure it that's good enough for the Moving Finger, it's good enough for 2 or 3 lines.  So I'm movie' on.

After all, I don't have time to wallow in the Slough of Despond -- that's no way for this pilgrim to progress.  I need to write a whole bunch of new posts before I leave on vacation.

So where do we go from here?  Quo vadis, 2 or 3 lines?

Right back to M.I.L.F.s is where we go!

I somehow missed "Stacy's Mom" when it was released by the Fountains of Wayne on their 2003 album, Welcome Interstate Managers.  The song was a big hit in the U.S., Canada, and the UK, and was nominated for the Grammy for "Best Vocal Pop Performance."

"Stacy's Mom" is your garden-variety M.I.L.F. fantasy.  The song isn't that bad -- it's almost innocent.  But the video is appalling.

"Stacy's Mom" video
The part of the singer is played by a kid who was 12 years old when the video was shot.  He is out of his friggin' mind if he thinks someone's mom could be the least bit interested in him.  

Especially when that someone's mom is portrayed by Rachel Hunter, who is a major hottie.  She was a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model and a Playboy cover girl and Rod Stewart's wife for 16 years.

Rachel Hunter
And a 12-year-old thinks he's going to get his hands on her?  Really?  (WHEN DONKEYS FLY!)

I've been delusional more than once when it comes to a woman's interest in me, but you best believe that this kid is delusional squared when it comes to Stacy's mom -- or delusional cubed.

Check out Stacy's heart-shaped sunglasses:

I'm sure the fact that Stacy's sunglasses closely resemble the sunglasses that Sue Lyon wore in Lolita was no accident:

I don't know why in the world the kid doesn't focus on Stacy instead of her mom.  Stacy is played by a 14-year-old actress named Gianna Distenca, who is a major . . .

I should probably stop right there before it's too late.

"Subtle" is not a word I would use
to describe the "Stacy's Mom" video
Here's "Stacy's Mom" -- I'd suggest watching this video when you're all alone in the house.  Otherwise you might find yourself in the embarrassing situation that the 12-year-old kids finds himself in at the end of the video.

Click below to buy the song from Amazon:

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