Friday, July 7, 2017

Bobby Goldsboro – "Little Things" (1964)

I love those little things in my ear
That you say when there's no one near

The Little Things website proclaims that it publishes “engaging, meaningful content for women across generations.”

Little Things must be doing something right: it has over 50 million unique visitors each month, which is more than any other standalone “lifestyle” website.

And a helluva lot more than 2 or 3 lines.

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If you’re looking for a job, Little Things has a lot of openings.  If you’re looking to become a CFO, a copy editor, a director of branded content, a PHP engineer, or a graphic designer, you should check out Little Things.

The Little Things logo
I don’t know if they pay well, but the benefits include unlimited free snacks, fruit, beverages, and organic coffee; Thursday evening happy hours; Friday catered lunches; a ping-pong table and other games; and in-office massages.

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What kind of content does Little Things feature?

Here are the headlines for some of their current stories:

– Teen Boy Dies, But then His Friends Tell Mom and Dad, ‘There’s A Video Online You Should See’

– Hairstylist Takes One Look At Woman And Refuses To Touch Her, Then She Posts Story On Facebook

– Rude Neighbor Blocks Old Man’s Driveway With Cinder Blocks, So He Teaches Him A Lesson

– Teen Looks Ordinary From Waist Up, But They Can’t Explain Large Thighs Until Lipedema Diagnosis

– Bride Begins Speech, But Suddenly She Tells 6 Confused Police Officers To Stand Behind Groom

– People Say Her Curvy Butt Is Fake, Then She Has Doctor Conduct An Ultrasound To Prove Them Wrong

I find each one of those headlines absolutely irresistible, but the final one is clearly the irresistiblest.

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When Abby Pollack was 18, she had an eating disorder.  Because she often ate fewer than 1000 calories in a day, she was 20 pounds underweight and had a boyish figure.

Now the 5’ 7” Abby weighs 150 pounds, and has a butt that looks like she stole it from one of the Kardashians.

Abby Pollack, before and after
From Little Things:

When Abby got to her breaking point, she discovered an amazing community of weightlifters.  It stunned her.  Weightlifters didn’t want to be thin; they wanted to be fuller, thicker, heavier, and stronger.

Over the course of years, Abby, who was once underweight in her “before” photos, began to bulk up.  Her large bum is a result of maintaining a healthy diet and some serious heavy lifting.

Ultrasounds don't lie: that caboose is all-natural
When people saw Abby’s before-and-after photos online, they couldn’t believe they were real.  She was accused of having butt-cheek implants.  So she went on “The Doctors” television program, where Dr. Andrew Ordon conducted an ultrasound of Abby’s behind.

The results?  Dr. Ordon confirmed that Abby’s hindquarters were 100% natural!

You could strike a match on that derrière!
For you ladies who are looking to get yourself a “Georgia peach” posterior like Abby’s, her advice is to forget the squats and do barbell hip thrusts instead.

Here's a video of Abby's lower-body workout.  You can see her doing the hip thrusts at about 3:00 of the video:

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Alabamian Bobby Goldsboro played guitar for Roy Orbison before striking out on his own.

His biggest hit single was “Honey,” the #1 single in the U.S. for five weeks in 1968.  Her next biggest hit, “Watching Scotty Grow,” makes my skin crawl when I hear it, but “Honey” is a thousand times worse.

“Honey” was written by country singer/songwriter Bobby Russell, who was briefly married to Vicki Lawrence.  Russell also wrote “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia” (a #1 hit for Lawrence) and “Little Green Apples” (a #2 hit for O.C. Smith).   

I challenge you to name three worse songs from the sixties or seventies that made it to the #1 or #2 spots on the Billboard “Hot 100.”  (It wouldn’t be that hard to hard three worse #1 or #2 hits from the fifties – almost every hit song from the fifties is horrible.)

Goldsboro penned today’s featured song – “Little Things” – which was a #13 hit for him in 1964.  It’s not a bad little song.

Here’s “Little Things”:

Click below to buy the song from Amazon:   

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