Faith No More – "Falling to Pieces" (1989)

Anticipatin' the end

Losin' the will to fight

Droplets of "yes" and "no" 

In an ocean of "maybe"

2 or 3 lines lives in an ocean of “yes” and “no” – not in an ocean of “maybe”!

To wit:

Here’s a screenshot of a text message I recently received from my cellular carrier:

And here’s my response:

When I hear back from them, I’ll quote paragraph #1 from my terms and conditions, which reads as follows:

The party of the first part [that’s me] will not be bound by any updated terms and conditions that the party of the second part [that’s T-Mobile] purports to unilaterally impose by sending text messages to the party of the first part [that’s me again].

That’ll teach ‘em!

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That was not the first run-in with an evil corporate behemoth that I had this week.

Shortly before drafting that electronic missive to T-Mobile, I had a rather difficult experience at my local Marathon gas station.

You can read all about it in the next 2 or 3 lines.

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I bought The Real Thing, which Faith No More released in 1989, at a used record store in Philadelphia.  

I commuted to a job in the “City of Brotherly Love” – a three-hour drive from my family’s home in the Washington, DC suburbs – for a couple of years in the early 1990s.  I spent four nights a week there with very little to do other than watch TV, read, write, and listen to CDs.  (That was back in the Dark Ages, boys and girls – by which I mean before the internet and smart phones.)

I bought a lot of CDs at that used record store.  Unlike used LPs, used CDs sounded just as good as brand new ones.  So I loaded up on Faith No More, Metallica, Soundgarden, Alice In Chains, Pearl Jam, and a number of others.

The Real Thing is a great album – “Epic” is one of my favorite songs of all time, but it’s not the only winner included on The Real Thing.

“Falling to Pieces” is one of those winners, but I had forgotten about it until I heard a snippet of it on the soundtrack of Black Hawk Down, a 2001 movie about the 1993 battle between U.S. Army Rangers and Delta Force operators and Somali militia in Mogadishu, Somalia.  

Click here to watch a video featuring scenes from the movie – one of most harrowing movies I’ve ever sat through – accompanied by “Falling to Pieces.”

Click here to buy “Falling to Pieces” from Amazon.

Killers – "Mr. Brightside" (2003)

Now they’re goin’ to bed

And my stomach is sick

And it’s all in my head

Unless you spent July in a coma, I’m sure you’ve heard about the married CEO of a Massachusetts tech company who took his company’s HR director to a Coldplay concert and got caught canoodling with her on the stadium “kiss cam.”

You do know that “to canoodle” means “to engage in amorous embracing, caressing, and kissing,” don’t you?  I find it very interesting that almost every news account about the incident that I’ve read uses “canoodling” to describe what the naughty couple were up to when the “kiss cam” outed them.

Oops!

By the way, no one knows for sure where the word “canoodle” – which first appeared in print in 1859 – came from.

Likewise, no one knows for sure how much the CEO’s little indiscretion is going to cost him.  But his net worth is estimated at between $50 million and $70 million, and Massachusetts law provides for a 50-50 split in most divorces.  So he will likely have to sign over tens of millions of dollars to his wife.

That’s some pretty expensive canoodling – I hope it was worth it.

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Speaking of losing tens of millions of dollars . . .

A few days after the Coldplay kiss cam story broke, CBS announced that it had decided to cancel Stephen Colbert’s Late Show.  The show was apparently losing something on the order of $40 million annually, so the decision comes as no great surprise.    

Some wag tweeted this after the CBS decision became public:

When Stephen Colbert goes off the air, what will husbands who are staying up late waiting for their wife to get home safely from her boyfriend’s house watch?

One of the comments posted in response to that tweet worked the Coldplay incident into the conversation:

“Honey, just got home from the Coldplay concert.  Is Colbert over yet?”

Several other commenters offered smart-ass suggestions concerning shows that Colbert fans could watch once the Late Show was off the air.  Here’s one:

They can watch PBS . . . oh wait!

Another suggestion alluded to the relative maturity of the Late Show audience:

Reruns of “Murder She Wrote” and “Golden Girls.”

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Click here to watch the “Mr. Brightside” official music video.  The director got the idea for that video after dropping acid and watching the 2001 Moulin Rouge film.  (JUST KIDDING, Sophie Muller – DON’T SUE ME!)

The video depicts a love triangle involving characters portrayed by Brandon Flowers, Eric Roberts, and Izabella Miko.

Flowers is the lead singer and primary songwriter of the Killers.

Roberts has appeared in dozens of movies and a number of TV series but   is best known for being the older brother of Julia Roberts.

Miko is a Polish actress and dancer whose career peaked when she appeared in the 2000 movie, Coyote Ugly.  Click here if you’d like to buy one of her sustainable “EkoMiko” candles.

Click here to buy “Mr. Brightside” from Amazon.

Ronnie Hawkins – "Mary Lou" (1959)

She took my diamond ring

She took my watch and chain

She took the keys to my Cadillac car

My daughter recently invited me to come along when she took my five-year-old granddaughter to the Build-A-Bear Workshop at a local mall.

If you’ve never been to a Build-A-Bear store, let me tell you how it works.  First, the child picks from a wide variety of “stuffies” – unstuffed teddy bears or other animals.  Next, she goes to the “Build-A-Bear Workshop Stuffing Station,” where a store employee helps her blow the animal full of polyester fiber.  

You’re not going to hear me criticize the Build-A-Bear’s business model, which relies on upselling a myriad of optional accessory items in addition to the basic stuffed animal.  (We’re talking scents, a personalized “voice,” a printed birth certificate, various clothing items – dresses, pants, jackets, shoes, hats, even eyeglasses – even a beating plastic heart.)

My granddaughter with her new best friend

That’s because my angelic little granddaughter had the time of her life there.  She was thrilled with the final product, and hasn’t let her new best friend – who she named Katarina – out of her sight since she brought her home.

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Rock-and-roll pioneer Ronnie Hawkins once said, “I spent ninety percent of my money on wine, women and song and just wasted the other ten percent. “  

I’m not sure if Ronnie had a granddaughter.  But if he had, I’m sure he would have amended that statement to make it clear that any expenditure he made on her behalf – like his expenditures on wine, women, and song – was money well spent.

Hawkins’ backing band – known as the Hawks – left him to play with Bob Dylan, and eventually achieved fame in their own right as the Band.  

Most of the Band’s members were Canadians who joined the Hawks after Hawkins moved from his home state of Arkansas to Toronto – and after Hawkins had recorded his biggest hit, “Mary Lou,” which peaked at #26 on the Billboard “Hot 100” in 1959.  

Ronnie Hawkins and the Hawks in 1964

Levon Helm – a fellow Arkansawyer who had started playing drums for Hawkins well before Ronnie’s move to Canada – did play on “Mary Lou.”  

Here’s a fun fact: Ronnie Hawkins was the cousin of Dale Hawkins, who wrote and recorded “Suzie Q” in 1957.  Ronnie covered “Suzie Q” a few years after that, but his version didn’t achieve anything near the success of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s 1968 cover of Dale’s song. 

Click here to listen to “Mary Lou.”

Click here to buy “Mary Lou” from Amazon.

Don Broco – "Uber" (2021)

Been a long night

I'ma call me a Uber

Tout le monde is talking about Uber’s recent announcement of its new “Women Preferences” program – which allows female Uber riders to be matched with female drivers (and vice versa).  

Uber is actually a little late to the choose-your-driver’s-gender party.  Female-only ride-share companies already exist in a number of cities.  Uber’s rival Lyft launched a similar service a couple of years ago.

But Uber is the 800-pound gorilla in the world of ride-sharing, so its decision to offer “Women Preferences” is getting a lot of attention.

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One of the women who commented on a Washington Post article about the new Uber policy thought it was long overdue:

It took them this long to come up with this concept?  Isn’t this just common sense?  I won’t use an Uber or Lyft because I’ve read too many stories of women being molested or otherwise attacked in cars by their drivers.  I don’t trust their so-called background checks! 

Here’s a comment from another female WaPo reader who thinks  “Women Preferences” is a good idea:

I applaud this development.  I have never, in fact, taken an Uber or Lyft without a male companion for the very reason that I fear getting into a car with a male stranger.  Having been assaulted several times in my life, I simply do not wish to repeat the experience.  Unfortunately, we women cannot tell the good guys from the bad guys based on appearance alone.

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There’s no doubt that a lot of women want no part of being alone in an Uber with a man . . . and for good reason.  After all, there have been thousands of reports of sexual assaults on female Uber riders and drivers over the years.  And while comments about a woman’s appearance or questions about her relationship status may not rise to the level of crimes, they can make her very uncomfortable.

But as critics of the “Women Preferences” program have pointed out, the vast majority of male Uber drivers or passengers don’t say anything inappropriate, much less commit sexual assault.  They accuse Uber of penalizing all men because of a few bad apples.  

Here’s what one Washington Post reader who opposes the new Uber policy had to say:

By creating women-only options, we reinforce the outdated and harmful stereotype that men are inherently dangerous or untrustworthy, and that women are perpetual victims who need special protection.  This approach doesn't challenge sexism; it entrenches it, creating a system of segregation that undermines the very principle of equality we should be striving for.

True progress means addressing predatory behavior, not gender. Let's demand better safety standards for everyone, everywhere, rather than promoting division.

Another WaPo reader questioned the legality of the new policy:

Denying people service based on their sex, race, religion, or other protected characteristics is a violation of federal, state and local civil-rights laws.  Someone is bound to file a lawsuit over this.  Can you imagine Uber allowing drivers to reject passengers because of their race?  Of course not.

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I wouldn’t be too quick to conclude that the “Women Preferences” program violates the law.  I’m sure Uber had some very high-priced lawyers go over their new policy with a fine-toothed comb before rolling it out.

But that reader makes a good point.  Presumably Uber would never provide riders with a mechanism for requesting a driver who wasn’t black, or Muslim, or gay.

If it would be wrong for Uber to allow riders to choose drivers on the basis of race, religion, or sexual orientation, why it is OK for them to allow riders to choose on the basis of gender?

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One final note on Uber’s new “Women Preferences” policy.

It’s true that males are more likely to commit murder or assault than females, so there’s a certain logic to women asking to be paired with other women when they use Uber.

But many of the violent crimes committed against women are committed by their husbands, boyfriends, or ex-partners – not strangers.  When you look at violent crimes involving strangers or non-intimate acquaintances, most of the victims are male.

In other words, the statistics indicate that males actually have more to fear from Uber rides with other males than females do.  But Uber has no plans to allow males to express a preference for female drivers or passengers – except for biological males who identify as female or non-binary.

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Don Broco’s “Uber” was released in 2021 on that group’s fourth studio album, Amazing Things, which made it all the way to the #1 spot on the UK album charts.

Don Broco thought about calling itself Don Loco, but decided to go with Don Broco after the group’s guitarist broke his wrist playing soccer.  (Don Broco is pronounced “Don Broke-o” – get it?)

Click here to listen to “Uber.”

Click here to buy “Uber” from Amazon.