Friday, March 24, 2017

Chuck Berry – "Johnny B. Goode" (1958)


Deep down in Louisiana close to New Orleans,
Way back up in the woods among the evergreens
There stood a log cabin made of earth and wood
Where lived a country boy named Johnny B. Goode
Who never ever learned to read or write so well
But he could play a guitar just like a ringing a bell

(Yes, I'm aware that's more than two or three lines, but this verse is so good that it deserves to be quoted in its entirety.)

The late Chuck Berry was the first person inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, which is fine with me.

Here’s the first sentence from the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame’s biography of Chuck Berry, who was 90 years old when he died on March 18:

After Elvis Presley, only Chuck Berry had more influence on the formation and development of rock & roll.

Chuck Berry in 1964
Writing on slate.com, Jack Hamilton (an American studies professor at the University of Virginia) begged to differ:  

“Who invented rock and roll?” is a truly unanswerable question, but Chuck Berry’s claim is as solid as any.  Jackie Brenston’s “Rocket 88,” the 1951 song most frequently cited as the music’s Big Bang, predates Berry’s emergence by four years, and Lloyd Price, Little Richard, Fats Domino, Carl Perkins, and even Elvis Presley had all made records before Berry broke through with “Maybellene” in 1955, at the shockingly advanced age of 28.  But Berry . . . was rock and roll’s first great auteur, blessed with an effortless ability to render the specific into the universal, and vice versa. He wrote songs infused with play, humor, ennui, pain, rage, swagger, and sex. They spoke to a generation who assumed they were about them, which was always only partially true.

Hamilton goes on to identify exactly what it was about Berry’s early hits that was revolutionary:

Musical revolutions tend to happen more gradually and subtly than pop mythology would like . . . [T]here are precious few moments on record that you can point to as a precise, tectonic shift in music itself.  But Berry’s early hits provide just this.  If you listen closely to “Roll Over Beethoven, “School Days,” “Rock and Roll Music,” “Johnny B. Goode,” or any number of other Berry sides from the period, you’ll hear a rhythm section playing a standard shuffle, the swung eighth-note rhythm that was the most common backdrop of 1940s and 1950s Chicago blues and R&B.  Berry and pianist Johnnie Johnson, on the other hand, are playing the arrow-straight eighth notes that would soon become the defining rhythmic currency of rock and roll.  It’s a startling clash, the sound of the old world colliding with the new, and once it’s pointed out, the drums and bass on these recordings sound instantly out-of-date, a relic of an earlier era. 

*     *     *     *     *

I think that Berry was a better performer than Elvis Presley.  And I know he was a better songwriter.


Elvis was credited as the co-writer of a number of his songs, but he contributed significantly to only a very few.  By contrast, Berry wrote not only “Johnny B. Goode” but also “Roll Over, Beethoven,” “Rock and Roll Music,” “Sweet Little Sixteen,” “Back in the U.S.A.,” “Memphis, Tennessee,” and many others.  

But I can’t argue that Elvis Presley was a bigger star than Berry.

Was that only because Elvis was white?  I don’t think so.  It didn’t hurt that Elvis was only 21 in 1956, when he had five #1 hits.  Berry turned 30 in 1956, plus he was a bit of a skeeze.  (I wouldn’t describe Elvis as exactly clean-cut, but he was a helluva lot more appealing to teenaged girls than Chuck Berry.)

Berry was still in high school when he was arrested for armed robbery after robbing three stores and stealing a car at gunpoint.  (Berry later wrote that the gun he used to flag down the motorist driving the car he stole wasn’t functional.)

In 1959, he was prosecuted and convicted under the Mann Act, a federal law that forbade the transportation of women across state lines for immoral purposes.  (Berry was found guilty of having sex with a 14-year-old girl he had transported across state lines to work as a hatcheck girl in a St. Louis nightclub that he owned, and spent 18 months in prison.)


A few months after going to the White House in 1979 to play for President Jimmy Carter, Berry pled guilty to tax evasion charges.

And in 1990, he was sued by a number of women who found out that he had installed a videocamera in the women’s bathroom at a restaurant he owned.  Berry paid the plaintiffs an estimated $1.2 million to settle the case.  He also pled guilty to misdemeanor drug possession when police who were searching his house for his bathroom videotapes found 62 grams of marijuana.

Sex, drugs, and rock ’n’ roll, baby!

*     *     *     *     *

Today’s featured song is ranked number 7 on Rolling Stone magazine’s “500 Greatest Songs of All Time” – just behind “Good Vibrations” and just ahead of “Hey Jude.”  It’s the only song from the fifties in Rolling Stone’s top ten.

And it’s also the only rock ’n’ roll song included on the golden record that was placed in the Voyager spacecraft that was launched in 1977 and is currently travelling through interstellar space.

Chuck Berry wrote a lot of iconic songs, and “Johnny B. Goode” is probably the iconic-est of all of them.


If you read the lyrics to that song on the printed page, they aren’t anything special.  But they are perfect lyrics for a rock ’n’ roll song.

“Johnny B. Goode” peaked at #8 on the Billboard “Hot 100.”  (The songs that reached #1 while “Johnny B. Goode” was on the “Hot 100” included “Witch Doctor,” “Yakety Yak,” and “The Purple People Eater.”)

I always assumed that Johnny B. Goode was a white boy from the boonies, but Berry’s original lyrics were “where lived a colored boy named Johnny B. Goode.”  

Berry was born and reared in St. Louis – not the piney woods of Louisiana – but the song is based on his life.

Here’s “Johnny B. Goode”:



Click below to buy the song from Amazon:

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Fever Tree – "San Francisco Girls (Return of the Native)" (1968)


Out there it's summertime
Milk and honey days
San Francisco girls with
San Francisco ways

If you were a teenager in the sixties, the place you wanted to be was San Francisco.

In particular, you wanted to be in Haight-Ashbury, where some 100,000 flower children gathered in the summer of 1967.

The “Summer of Love” inspired many songs, the best known of which were Scott MacKenzie’s “San Francisco (Be Sure to Wear Flowers in Your Hair)” and “San Franciscan Nights” by Eric Burdon and the Animals.  But the best “Summer of Love” song of them all may have been Fever Tree’s “San Francisco Girls (Return of the Native).”

Fever Tree was formed in Houston, Texas, which was a long way from San Francisco.  It was one of a number of memorable Texas psychedelic bands of that era, including the 13th Floor Elevators, Bubble Puppy, the Moving Sidewalks, Red Krayola, and the Golden Dawn.  

Rob Landes
Rob Landes, a classically-trained pianist and organist, replaced Fever Tree’s original keyboard player shortly after the band formed in 1966.  2 or 3 lines recently caught up with Rob, who still lives in Houston, where his jazz trio plays dozens of gigs yearly and where he’s the organist and artist-in-residence at a large Methodist church.

2 or 3 lines:  Rob, I understand you started playing the piano at a very young age.  What sparked your interest in music?  

Rob Landes:  My dad was a cellist and played the piano.  My mom also was a pianist and sang professionally on television in the early days of TV in Houston, so I was raised with amazing music in our home.  So playing came very naturally for me.  I started playing at two years old and when I was three, my parents put me with an outside teacher.  As a very young kid, I remember my parents playing 78s by Tommy Dorsey, Glenn Miller, Bing Crosby, the Andrews Sisters, and some of the other great musicians of their generation.

Fever Tree's eponymous debut album
2 or 3 lines: I assume you studied the classical piano repertoire as a student.  What were some of your favorite piano composers and pieces?  What was the most challenging classical composition you ever performed?

Rob Landes: I studied many of the classics and was a piano major in college.  Ravel and Debussy were at the top of my list.  I guess the most difficult piano piece I ever played was “Jeux d’eau” by Maurice Ravel.  It is a very splashy impressionistic piece that is supposed to be representative of a huge fountain.

2 or 3 lines: When did you first start to listen to pop/rock music?  Who were your favorite groups when you were a teenager?

Rob Landes: I have an older brother, and he listened to rock music when I was very young – Bill Haley, Buddy Holly, Elvis, Little Richard, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Everly Brothers, Johnny Mathis . . . I loved them all.  I still have a lot of the 45s that he bought back then.

2 or 3 lines: You weren't an original member of Fever Tree.  I understand you were playing the organ at a church when you were asked to join them.  Did you transition from studying piano to studying organ at some point, or were you more a pianist who just played the organ on the side? 


Rob Landes: I got interested in the organ when I was around ten years old.  I took pop organ lessons from the choir director at our church, who was an excellent pop organist.  I studied on the Hammond B-3 organ at our church.  When I was 13, I began taking classical organ lessons on a pipe organ.

2 or 3 lines: Who were your favorite B-3 organists from that era?  Who influenced your organ style?

Rob Landes: I think about the only influence on my B-3 organ playing was Mark Stein of Vanilla Fudge.  I really don’t remember listening to any others besides him.  When I started playing with Fever Tree, I played on a Vox Beatle model organ.  It wasn’t until later that I got a Hammond with Leslie speakers.  

(Note: You can click here to see an absolutely insane live performance of “You Keep Me Hangin’ On” by Mark Stein and Vanilla Fudge.)

Hohner Clavinet
2 or 3 lines: Did you use any other keyboard instruments when you were with Fever Tree?

Rob Landes: The instrument you hear at the very beginning of “San Francisco Girls” is a Hohner Clavinet, which I often played in our live performances.  It had actual strings in it and they were plucked like a harpsichord.  Each string was amplified.  I wish I still had that instrument!  I’m sure it is a collector’s item by now.

(Note: The Hohner Clavinet, which had a five-octave range, was manufactured in Germany from 1964 to about 1980.  That instrument produced its distinctive sound by electrically amplifying the vibrations that resulted from the forceful fretting of its 60 steel strings – similar to the guitar technique known as “hammer-on.”)

The Terrace Ballroom was in Salt Lake City
2 or 3 lines: You played not only organ and piano on Fever Tree's records, but also flute and harp and cello and recorder.  How did you learn to play all those instruments?

Rob Landes: I learned the cello because my dad played it, and I played the flute and piccolo in the marching band at Bellaire High School in Houston.  I was a harp minor in college.  I wanted to compose music for the harp and I figured the best way to approach writing for the harp was to learn how to play it.  I enjoyed it so much when a harp student showed me the basics that I bought a harp and took lessons from the harpist in the Houston Symphony.

2 or 3 lines: Fever Tree's most famous song is “San Francisco Nights (Return of the Native).”  It is an absolute classic, if you ask me – I'm not sure there's a better "Summer of Love" record out there.  Fever Tree was from Houston, which is a long way from California.  Had any of you ever been to San Francisco when you recorded it, or was your image of the city based on TV shows and movies?  

Rob Landes: I had been to San Francisco many times as a youngster.  We had relatives in Berkeley and made the trip across the Golden Gate Bridge many times in to San Francisco.  It was always exciting to go there and romp up and down the hills and of course, to ride the cable cars.  I think I was probably the only one in Fever Tree who had ever been there when we recorded “San Francisco Girls.”  I found it interesting that we never played there when we toured.

(Rob Landes is second from the right)
2 or 3 lines: Who were some of the other late-sixties groups whose music really impressed you?

Rob Landes: I was a huge fan of Spirit.  They had a song called “Fresh Garbage” that I really liked a lot.  We performed with them a couple of times and they were really nice guys.  I think the drummer was the father of one of the other band members. 

(Note: Spirit drummer Ed Cassidy was the stepfather of Spirit guitarist/vocalist Randy California.  Cassidy, who sported a distinctive shaved head, was 44 when the band formed – possibly the oldest rock musician of his era.)

2 or 3 lines:  Spirit is one of my favorites, too.  Who else did you like from that era?

Rob Landes: I was a fan of the Association.  I loved their amazing vocals.  Also the Beach Boys for the same reason.  I was enthralled with Laura Nyro and her playing as well as her writing, and of course, her amazing voice.  She died young, and was an incredible talent.

2 or 3 lines:  I’m glad you mentioned Laura Nyro, who you don’t hear much about any more – she was terrific, and had a very distinctive style.  Shifting gears, tell us about the Rob Landes Trio, your jazz group.  How long have you been interested in jazz?  Who are some of your favorite jazz pianists?

Rob Landes: I became interested in jazz at a very young age.  I listened to George Shearing, Oscar Peterson and Andre Previn as a youngster and loved listening to their improvisations.  I think it was a great influence on me to realize that you could play music that wasn’t actually written on the page.  I started the Rob Landes Trio in the early eighties.  We worked at venues like Houston’s Four Seasons Hotel for years, then started doing concerts and one-nighters at many different venues in the area. We appeared on the “Good Morning, Houston” television show for three years, and that exposure was invaluable for my group. 

1968 concert poster
2 or 3 lines: As someone who plays the piano, I have to ask what kind of piano you would choose if you could have any piano in the world?  

Rob Landes: If I could go out and buy any piano I wanted, it would be a Steinway D.  That’s the concert grand.  Of course, every one of them is totally different, with their own personality and sound.  If I was going to buy one, I’d want to play at least a dozen of them before I took the plunge and bought one.

(Note: The Steinway D-274 is the nine-foot-long flagship of the Steinway & Sons line of grand pianos.  The vast majority of grand pianos in concert halls around the world are Steinway D-274s, which retail for around $80,000.)

2 or 3 lines: I’ve never played a Bösendorfer piano, which is a legendary Austrian brand.  I’m sure you’ve played Bösendorfers – what do you think of them?

Rob Landes: I play occasionally at the home of a wealthy Houston couple who have an amazing Bösendorfer concert grand.  It’s an even longer piano than the Steinway D, and has several extra keys at the bottom of the keyboard.  When I play on that piano, I feel like I’m driving a Rolls Royce automobile.  It’s pure pleasure to play that instrument.

The Bösendorfer's extra bass keys
(By the way, the Bösendorfer concert grand piano lists for about $250,000 – almost as much as a new Rolls Royce costs.)   

Here’s “San Francisco Girls”:



The mix of this live recording of “San Francisco Girls” gives more prominence to Rob's organ playing:



Click below to buy the song from Amazon:

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Jimmy Dean – "Big Bad John" (1961)


At the bottom of this mine 
Lies a hell of a man
Big John

Brunswick is an old railroad town that’s located on the Potomac River in Frederick County, Maryland, near the intersection of the Appalachian Trail and the C&O Canal in Frederick County, Maryland.  It’s about an hour northwest of my home.

Brunswick Heritage Museum
I discovered the Brunswick Heritage Museum with my kids many years ago.  The most interesting part of the museum is a HO-scale model railroad layout that depicts the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad’s Metropolitan Subdivision, which ran from Brunswick through Montgomery County, Maryland (where I live) and on to Union Station in Washington, DC, a distance of roughly 42 miles.

The B&O's Metropolitan line
The museum’s model railroad is huge – 1700 square feet – and amazingly detailed.

Here's a photo of the part of the layout that depicts the Montgomery County fairgrounds:

Montgomery County fairgrounds depiction
The part of the setup that recreates the B&O’s Brunswick switching yard and roundhouse is particularly noteworthy:

Model of Brunswick switching yard
Here’s a video that shows the model train layout in detail:


The other Brunswick attraction that you need to know about is Smoketown Brewing Station, a microbrewery that opened for business less than a year ago.

Smoketown Brewing Station
Smoketown Brewing is located in the old Brunswick fire station.  Back in the day, the community hall located on the upper floor of the building hosted a number of prominent country and western musicians – including today’s featured artist, Jimmy Dean – and was also utilized as a movie theatre.

Jimmy Dean and Patsy Cline once appeared
on the same bill at the Brunswick fire station
The day I visited Smoketown, I ordered a flight with samples of four of the dozen-odd beers they were pouring and had a chat with the brewery’s owner, David Blackmon.  

A flight of four Smoketown beers
Since I was only a short drive away from Frederick, Maryland, I also stopped at Attaboy Beer, a brand-new brewery that’s adjacent to Carroll Creek Park.

Attaboy beers
Attaboy’s most unusual offering was its “Lunch Break” patersbier, a mild and relatively low-alcohol beer modeled after those brewed by Belgian monks for their own consumption.

*     *     *     *     *

Jimmy Dean was a very successful country and western recording artist in the 1950s and 1960s.  His 1961 hit, “Big Bad John” which Dean and Roy Acuff co-wrote – held down the #1 spot on the Billboard “Hot 100” for five weeks and won the Grammy for Best Country & Western Recording.


Dean was also a popular radio and TV personality.  Patsy Cline and Roy Clark were two of the country stars who got their start on Dean’s “Town and Country Time” radio show, which aired on a Washington, DC station in the mid-1950s.  (Dean and Cline once performed on the same bill in the Brunswick building that now houses the Smoketown Brewing Station.)  After a year, the show moved to a local television station, and was eventually picked up by CBS and broadcast nationally.

In 1963, Dean was tabbed to host a primetime variety show on the ABC television network.  The Jimmy Dean Show’s guests included the crème de la crème of the country music world (George Jones, Buck Owens, Roger Miller, and many others) but what I remember about it were the skits that featured Dean and Rowlf the Dog, the first of the Muppets to become a star.  

Jimmy Dean with Rowlf
In 1969, Dean and his brother founded the Jimmy Dean Sausage Company.  The business was so successful – thanks in part to Dean’s folksy TV commercials – that the Sara Lee Corporation paid $80 million for it in 1984.  

Dean died in 2010, when he was 81.  His final resting place is a nine-foot-tall piano-shaped mausoleum on the grounds of his Virginia estate, which overlooks the James River.  

His epitaph comes from the lyrics to “Big Bad John”: “Here lies a hell of a man.”

Here’s “Big Bad John”:



Click below to buy the song from Amazon:

Friday, March 17, 2017

Billy Murray – "Low Bridge, Everybody Down" (1912)


Low bridge, everybody down
Low bridge, we're coming to a town

I’m almost 65, and I’ve decided that I’m going to retire from the practice of law sometime this year.  

Is it any surprise that I’m finding it harder and harder to haul my ass into the office five days a week?

I played hooky regularly last fall, taking a day off each week to go for a hike or a bike ride and then hitting a brewery or two . . . or three.  But winter eventually arrived, and skipping work to take a hike or go biking isn’t all that attractive a proposition when it’s freezing cold outside.

So when the weatherman said it was going to be unseasonably warm one Wednesday a couple of weeks ago, I made plans to spend the day in the great outdoors.

A CSX train goes through Brunswick
After accompanying my mother to her thrice-weekly 11:00 am exercise class, I hit the road for Brunswick, an old railroad town that’s near the intersection of the Appalachian Trail and the C&O Canal in Frederick County, Maryland.

On the way there, I stopped at a new outlet mall that’s just off the highway.  I spent so much time trying on shoes at the Nike outlet that I didn’t have time to visit any of the other stores at the mall.

I walked out with four pairs of kicks – a personal best for me.  (I realize that buying four pairs of shoes at one time is all in a day’s work for you ladies out there, but I usually limit myself to a pair or two.)

One of my purchases was a replacement for the shoes I use to referee basketball games on weekends:


One was almost identical to a pair I already have.  (I figure if a particular pair of shoes fits just right, why not get a second pair?)


One pair was an incredible bargain – these bad boys only set me back $24.95:


The fourth pair was simply irresistible:


Half an hour after leaving the Nike store, I was in Brunswick, which sits on the Potomac River about an hour northwest of my home.  

Brunswick used to be called Berlin because many German immigrants settled there.  But then some spoilsport pointed out that there was another town named Berlin on Maryland’s Eastern Shore.  (Apparently the Post Office wasn’t smart enough to figure out how to distinguish one Berlin, Maryland from the other when it came to delivering the mail.)

A MARC commuter train pulls into Brunswick
Around 1890, the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad chose Brunswick to be the site of a six-mile long freight yard along the Potomac.  It was also the home to a B&O locomotive repair works and roundhouse.  For the next five or six decades, Brunswick was essentially a B&O company town.

Today, Brunswick is a little down at the heels, but it has its charms.  In the next 2 or 3 lines, we’ll visit two of the town’s most popular attractions.

*     *     *     *     *

Do elementary-school kids still sing “Low Bridge, Everybody Down” in music class?  

The Erie Canal, which opened in 1825, ran between Albany and Buffalo, New York.  It was 363 miles long, and had 36 locks to handle the east-to-west elevation difference of 565 feet.

Erie Canal mules
The C&O Canal along the Potomac River is half as long as the Erie Canal, but has twice as many locks to overcome its 605-foot elevation change.  It took almost three times as long to complete the C&O as it took to build the Erie Canal (22 years compared to eight years).  

There are a lot of recordings of “Low Bridge, Everybody Down” – which is sometimes titled “Fifteen Years on the Erie Canal,” or simply “The Erie Canal Song.”  

Today we’re featuring a 1912 recording of the song by Billy “The Denver Nightingale” Murray, one of the most prolific recording artists of the early 1900s:







Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Motors – "Airport" (1978)


Going to so many places
Where the weather is much better
And the food is so much cheaper

So here’s the thing: this guy I know was at the ________ airport a few days ago, waiting to catch a 5:30 pm flight back home.

The flight was four hours long, so he needed to grab a quick dinner before he got on the plane.  But the terminal he was flying out of had only three places to buy food, so his choices were severely limited.

Air Margaritaville
First , there was a place called Air Margaritaville.  It had $18 cheeseburgers and chicken wings and other gussied-up fast food.  Plus my guy isn’t a Jimmy Buffett fan.  So he said “Thanks but no thanks” to Air Margaritaville.

The second option was a carryout that offered precooked, aluminum-foil-wrapped hot dogs and personal-size Domino’s pizzas.  My boy passed on option number two.

Finally, there was a Spanish-cuisine restaurant that had some interesting-looking menu items.  The guy decided to give it a shot.

He didn’t have a lot of time before his flight would start boarding, but the Spanish restaurant had a lentil-and-sausage soup that sounded tasty and shouldn’t take any time at all to dish up and serve.  So he sat his ass down at the bar and ordered the soup and a draft beer.

The bartender took his order, served him the beer, and then and only then informed my guy they were out of the soup.

He was tempted to leave and just grab one of the aluminum-foil-wrapped hot dogs, but he had the beer in front of him.  Plus the bartender assured him that nothing on the menu took very long to prepare.

Grilled octopus
So the guy took the bartender’s advice, ordered some grilled octopus and potatoes, and started working on his beer.

A few minutes later, a couple of young women came in and had a lengthy conversation with the bartender, who eventually whipped up something and poured it into “go” cups for them.  

It was now 15 minutes after my guy ordered, and there was no sign of his food.  He asked the bartender to please check on things, reminding him – a bit testily, perhaps – that he had very little time before his plane would begin boarding and needed his food toot sweet.

The bartender then disappeared into the kitchen, ostensibly to see how the octopus was coming.  But like Charley on the MTA, the bartender never returned.

After waiting a few minutes, my guy had had enough.  So he walked out.  

All he had time to do at that point was hustle down to the carryout for a hot dog, which he gobbled down while walking to his gate.

Foil-wrapped dogs
So what do you think?  Was my guy was justified in bailing on the Spanish restaurant?  Or was leaving without paying a dick move?

Maybe you think he should have at least paid for the beer.  But he wouldn’t have ordered a beer if he had known the place was out of soup.  Plus the beer was like $9, and all he had were twenties.  He wasn’t about to leave a twenty when half of it would have gone into the pocket of the clueless bartender, who had left him high and dry.

I say that what my guy did was OK.  Eff the bartender and eff the Spanish restaurant.  And eff the airport for not having a Subway or a Quizno’s or an bagel place where a guy can get a stupid ham sandwich to take on a four-hour flight and eat at his leisure.

*     *     *     *     *

The Motors were formed in London in 1977 by a couple of dudes from Ducks Deluxe who later recruited Bram Tchaikovsky to join them.


“Airport” was the group’s biggest-selling single.  It made it to #4 on the British pop charts but sank without a trace in the U.S.

Here’s “Airport”:



Click below to buy the song from Amazon: 

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Luther Vandross – "Shine" (2006)


In the midst of a fierce competition . . .
Keep showing me moves that are blazing

It’s no surprise that this year’s Big Ten men’s basketball conference tournament was fiercely contested, or many of the players had impressive moves.  What is a surprise is that this tournament – which featured teams from midwestern universities like Ohio State, Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, et al. – was played in Washington, DC.

Big Ten university logos
In the last 2 or 3 lines, I went off on a you-kids-get-the-hell-off-of-my-lawn-type rant about the many absurdities that have resulted form the current configuration of the major college athletic conferences. 

Holding the Big Ten basketball tournament in Washington, DC, is one such absurdity.

The Big Ten tournament comes to D.C.
The Nebraska Cornhuskers traversed 1201 miles from Lincoln to Your Nation’s Capital to play Penn State in the first round of the tournament.  (You might have thought that Nebraska was still in the Big Eight . . . oops, I mean the Big 12 . . . WHICH IS WHERE THEY BELONG!  But Nebraska said sayonara to the Big 12 and moved to the Big Ten several years ago.)

By contrast, the 1092 miles that the Minnesota Golden Gophers and their fans had to travel and the 901 miles that the Iowa Hawkeyes and their stalwarts covered seem like child’s play.

Don’t get me started on the Big Ten, which had the same ten members from 1949 until 1990, when Penn State became its eleventh member.  

To add to the absurdity of an eleven-team conference continuing to call itself the Big Ten, the conference adapted a logo with a disguised number eleven in it after Penn State succumbed to the conference’s siren song – or should I say $iren $ong:

Big Ten logo (with hidden number 11)
A few years ago, the Big Ten’s math got even funnier when it expanded to fourteen schools, adding Maryland, Nebraska, and the State University of New Jersey (better known as Rutgers).  

As the Big Ten Network’s Tom Dienhart wrote three years ago, the Big Ten’s men’s regular-season basketball schedule is a hot mess:

I long for the days when every Big Ten school played twice every season.  It was a symmetrical schedule that crowned a true champ in a neat and tidy 18-game league schedule.  The only thing missing was a bow on top.

That balance got tossed out the window when Penn State joined the league.  And Nebraska’s arrival added to the imbalance to where Big Ten schools now play just seven teams twice and four others once.  

Big Ten tournament signage
As you can imagine, that can make for some unbalanced and unfair schedules in the pursuit of a conference title.  Now, with Rutgers and Maryland coming aboard next season, things are about to get even more watered down and uneven.

According to this report, the new league schedule system will rotate in three-year cycles.  Each school will have five home-and-home foes each season, and eight single-play opponents.  As with the previous scheduling format, every Big Ten team will face the rest of the league at least once for an 18-game conference menu.

Five of the eight single-play opponents will become home-and-home opponents the next year.  The remaining three will appear twice on the schedule in the third year of the cycle.

Got all of that?

(Not really.)

Honest Abe was a roundball fan?
The Big Ten tournament schedule is an even hotter mess.  The first day of the tournament, the four bottom teams – Ohio State, Nebraska, Penn State, and Rutgers – match up in two first-round games.  The winners of those games are pitted against the #5 and #6 seeds (Michigan State and Northwestern) on the second day – which is when the #7 and #10 seeds (Iowa and Indiana) and the #8 and #9 seeds (Michigan and Illinois) also face off.  The top four seeds (Purdue, Wisconsin, Maryland, and Minnesota) don’t play until the third day of the tournament.  

In other words, a high seed can win the conference tournament by winning only three games, while a low seed would have to win five games in five days – a truly formidable task.  Does that seem fair to you?

More Big Ten tournament signage
The Big Ten tournament is being played a block away from my office building.  The subway stop I use has been plastered with signage for the tournament:

How many of the Big Ten member universities’ logos can you identify?  (Answers below.)

#1
#2
#3

#4

#5

#6

#7
That signage is fine as far as it goes, but are Washington-area roundball fans going to turn out for Northwestern-Nebraska, or Michigan State-Rutgers, or other games that don’t involve the hometown favorites, the University of Maryland Terrapins?  

If they don’t, there are going to be a lot of empty seats at the Verizon Center – unless folks are willing to make the journey from Lincoln, Nebraska, and Iowa City, Iowa, and West Lafayette, Indiana, and Lansing, Michigan, are willing to drive, ride, or fly to Washington and put up with terrible traffic, an increasingly unreliable Metro system, ridiculously expensive hotels, and ridiculously expensive tickets (the list price is $200 to $400, depending on seat location).

Still more Big Ten signage
Until this year, the Big Ten tournament alternated between Chicago and Indianapolis, which made perfect sense.  Moving the tournament to Washington, DC, makes no sense.  But moving it to New York City’s Madison Square Garden – where it will take place next year – makes even less sense.

I wonder what city will host the 2019 Big Ten tournament?  (Miami?  New Orleans?  Las Vegas?)

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Here are the logos in the numbered photos above:

#1 – Illinois and Nebraska

#2 – Iowa and Ohio State

#3 – Maryland and Penn State

#4 – Minnesota and Wisconsin

#5 – Michigan and Purdue

#6 – Indiana and Northwestern

#7 – Michigan State and Rutgers

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“Shine,” which was released by Luther Vandross in 2006, didn’t get much love from American radio stations, but it was a big hit in the clubs.

I’m not sure I had ever heard the song until a couple of months ago, when I started accompanying my 90-year-old mother to the thrice-weekly exercise classes offered at her assisted-living place.


The fitness trainer who leads the classes usually plays R&B or disco music, and “Shine” is one of her favorites.

Here’s “Shine”:



Click below to buy the song from Amazon: